Today is World Cancer Day.
I spend this day missing my best friend Fanny just as much as I always do. Donating what I can to her personal fund at Cancerfonden (a Swedish organisation for cancer research), wishing for the 1034039486034980th time that I was a billionaire who could actually make a goddamn difference. Telling myself that together we might just might a change, that one day the scientists will crack the code and we won't have to lose our loved ones or our own lives to this disease.
Doubting,
hoping.
But right now, I need to ask you this:
Please go do your pap smears (I promise you it's not scary at all, it doesn't hurt and it's over before you know it!),
please stop smoking or just don't start,
please wear sunscreen (with a high SPF!) and stay in the shade when you can,
please be observant and attentive to any changes in your breasts, birthmarks or anywhere else on or inside your body,
please don't hesitate to see a doctor when you're worried that something's wrong,
and please, please, please, donate a dollar or a hundred or whatever you can spare to cancer research, because we can do our best to minimize the risks, but the truth is that however hard we try, we are never safe.
We're all playing the lead in our own lives, we feel sheltered by the fact that we're different, special; by our hopes and dreams and amibitions, by the things we own and by how busy we are, by our faith, by mere chance ("after everything I've been through these past few years, there's no way I could get sick on top of it all"), by the people who love us and the ones we've touched. Absolutely impossible to imagine that the script could change from a heartbeat to the next, that the play could simply go on without us.
And still, 7.6 million people die of cancer every year. 7.6 million individuals who are no less special than you or me.
This all sounds terribly melodramatic, I know. Well, that's the thing about cancer. It's not a whole lot of fun. Actually, it's pure fucking crap and I wish from the bottom of my heart that it can, and will, be cured. And rather sooner than later. Please?
such a powerful post. It is because of people like you a couple of years ago the i decided that to be an oncologist is what i wanted to do with my life... I'm now about to finish my pre med studies and head out to med school. I hope to make a difference and I'll always keep you in mind darling.
ReplyDeleteHi Annika, is it okay if I ask you to pray for my great aunt? She survived breast cancer but they just found out that it metastasized to her brain and lungs. She's currently undergoing radiation and chemotherapy. She says she's ready to go but please, please pray for her wellbeing and happiness anyway. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteDear Annika,
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the documentary Forks Over Knives? They have it on Netflix, and me and my mom just watched it. Oh. My. Word. It was so eye-opening and shocking...to think that the cures and prevention of so many diseases lies within our reach through just changing our diet. Anyway! You should watch it! Let me know if you do; I think you'd really like it. :)
Thank you for being such an inspiration and amazing role model throughout this hard time in your life...I know it hasn't been anything near easy for you, but I've been so blessed by your attitude through this. I prayed for you all the time, too. ♥
xo
Maria Elyse
www.uneasyimpressions.blogspot.com
i know, i hate that disease. it killed my grandpa, both my aunts lost their breasts. it killed my best friend's best friend. it killed my mom's colleague. one of my dearest friends survived it, & she strong, & brave, & beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAfter my dad was diagnosed with cancer, things started happening to me. I started notice birthmarks I had never thought of before. I felt lumps in my breasts, groin etc. Since two years ago I've been to different hospitals and GPs a handful of times. I'm fine, but probably a bit paranoid. But in a way I'm glad, because the thought of cancer had never struck me before. What I'm trying to say to the readers here is: Be kind to your body, be aware of any changes, if you notice anything different - visit your GP. But don't spend your life worrying. Cause that won't help your body at all.
ReplyDeleteMariel Torres, you are such a hero. I will always be grateful that people like you exist.
ReplyDeleteMaria Elyse, no, I haven't - call me close-minded, but I don't feel like I can take in anything about alternative cancer treatments or prevention at the moment. Hopefully later. Right now I want - need - to be blissfully ignorant when it comes to what effects food have on my body. Simply eating is hard enough for me.
Teddi, all my love goes out to you and the people you've lost.
Chippie, oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear about your great aunt. I pray for everyone who suffers from this horrible disease, every single person who has been diagnosed as well as everyone who has to watch their loved ones struggle. I hope with everything that I am that she will be fine.
Sofia Capel, it's terrible to hear about your dad. I'm so sorry, dear. I absolutely agree with you, a life where you're constantly worried is far from ideal, but I do think it's extremely important to be vigilant when it comes to changes in your body. So many cases of cancer could have been cured if diagnosed sooner. Being overly worried for a while after someone you love get sick is probably perfectly normal.
Love,
Annika
Oops, I was too quick (blaming my iphone): of course I also want to thank you darling Maria Elyse for all your amazingly kind words and for your support. You are such a beautiful person, inside and out.
ReplyDeleteI agree with almost every word but... I am actually a scientist. And there is no such thing like "cancer medicine". This is much more complicated than for example AIDS. Because AIDS is a kind of disease we are used to fight. Cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson are diseases caused by our organism, not something from outside. How can you fight your own organism without killing yourself? And we, the scientists, are trying really hard to find even minor differences between healthy cells and cancer cells to fight them. But there won't ever be one medicine.
ReplyDeleteNot only money can help develop new treatments, but also open minded people. Don't be scared of cloning, gene treatments, stem cells (even embryonic) because that's our best shots.
What's more disturbing is that even people that obey rules you wrote often get cancer. I wouldn't know but it has to be much more painful to get cancer when you took care of yourself your whole life.
I hope everything will be okay with you and every cancer patient in the world. I really do. Eva
Eva, thanks for your input! I'm well aware that there's no such thing (and never will be) as a universal "cancer medicine". I don't think I'm using an expression like that? What I'm referring to when I'm talking about "cracking the code" is a way to treat cancerous cells without killing the healthy cells.
ReplyDeleteOf course you can still get cancer even if you take perfect care of yourself. My best friend Fanny was one of them - actually, I think most people (who don't smoke, at least) couldn't have prevented their illness. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do your best to be careful and attentive.
Cancer is the plague of our century, I think there is a lot of explications, we smoke bad tabac! we drink so much!, we eat bad vegetables with toxic products, we live in a stressful world!
ReplyDeleteI'm so scared to have a disease one day, or anyone of my family or my friends, but actually i'm really fine and I try to enter in an association in France "Les blouses roses" to go in hospitals to visit chlids and adults with disesases...
I'm agree with you "Fuck cancer!"
x
I already did my share. Hope you are better!
ReplyDeleteDear, take care :* you are so strong. I pray for you!
ReplyDeleteAlexandra
You are an inspiration and example of courage.
ReplyDeletexoxo from Croatia!
Take care of yourself, Annika. <3
ReplyDeleteLike
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post, dear Annika.
ReplyDeleteGet better soon <3
Love your blog. I'm just wondering what kind of cancer did Fanny have?
ReplyDeleteI pray for all cancer sufferers, may the be given the help and treatment they need and may a cure be found for all types. And may God be with them every step of the way.
ReplyDelete~
Autumn
Anonymous - thank you. First Fanny had Hodgkin's lymphoma, then a very rare case of osteosarcoma that could not be treated.
ReplyDeleteAnnika, I just read through your last three posts - and am glad that you are partially recovered, if not (obviously) feeling yourself. The sentiment of this post struck me deeply. As I'm sure I have mentioned before, my maternal grandma suffered from cancer for ten years before she eventually died - and I'm sure that my mum can attest to the fact that it is not something that would be wished on anyone. It is an evil, uncontrollable disease, and I am just so deeply glad that you appear to be fighting it. It must be the most common recurring phrase among comments here, but you really are such an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteThat paragraph about how we assume we're special really stood out - that sense of assuming that bad things always happen to "other people", rather than us or our immediate family. And yet I can't think of anyone I know that hasn't been touched by some form of suffering or another (although obviously in varying degrees).
All my love, and a big, resounding 'fuck off' to cancer.
If only a famous footballer or two would donate a large amount of money to help find a cure for cancer, because, even though every little helps, it would make a massive difference to have a huge donation! I'm doing Race for Life this year to raise what I can for cancer research. I did it two years ago and it was such an incredible experience, running with thousands of other women knowing you are doing your bit to help.
ReplyDeleteYou have all my love and support and I'm so happy you are gradually getting better.
Dum fråga, försökte hitta en översättning på paper smear...men vad betyder det på svenska?
ReplyDeleteWell said and be well.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this, I decided that if a fundraiser comes up in National Honors Society and we need to choose a certain organization to donate to, I am going to suggest cancer research. I am going to open my mouth that usually never says a word at meetings because I never have any good ideas and I am going to say it. Because it IS a good idea.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Emily
Jag skänkte 50kr. Önskar dig allt det bästa!
ReplyDeleteAnonym, inte en dum fråga alls. Pap smear heter cellprov - eller gynekologisk cellprovtagning - på svenska. Man kan läsa om det här till exempel.
ReplyDeleteEmily darling, this makes me oh so happy to hear. You are brilliant in every way. ♥
Tack SNÄLLA Annika!
ReplyDeleteIt is so good to see you back annika. Stay positive and keep being the great example for woman that you are.
ReplyDeleteI make my words, the words of Autumn: "I pray for all cancer sufferers, may the be given the help and treatment they need and may a cure be found for all types. And may God be with them every step of the way."
ReplyDeleteFollowing you dear!
Tomorro, I will go get that pap smear done. Thank you for telling me and others about it´s importantans.
ReplyDeleteKeep strong, I have my faith on you.
xoxo/v
I have resently been thinking about which fund to support, and I found out that Barncancerfonden(Cancer fund for childrens cancer) have much lesser funds than cancerfonden. So I decided to give what I can spare, with uncertain future and studies in french language and courses in law studies, to Barncancerfonden. Toghether we di help people, even if it's nothing that goes noticed. I assure you.
ReplyDeleteHej Annika.
ReplyDeleteJag uppskattar verkligen att du faktiskt trycker upp det här obekväma (men superviktiga) ämnet rakt i ansiktet på mig. I truly need it. För precis som du skriver är det åh så lätt att trä på sig Cliché Guevaras uniform och utbrista: "Men det händer ju ändå aldrig mig!" För att sedan slå bort alla oönskade tankar och fortsätta leva precis som om tiden stod still.
Att tvingas tänka på det; att inse att måltider på regelbundna tider och vardagsmotion i stället för hissen och bra fetter framför dåliga inte är någon garanti för någonting, well, det kanske inte är så angenämt - men baske mig nödvändigt.
Det är särskilt tacksamt eftersom du når ut till så många. ('Cause I'm not the only one, som Cobain en gång i tiden sjöng.)
Oh well. Jag satte in en liten slant på Fannys minnesfond.
Toodles.
PS. Min katt bet mig i foten och sa: "Hälsa Annika att hon är rar. Parklife!" Så. Nu vet du. (Jag vet faktiskt inte riktigt vad hon menade med "Parklife". Men hon imiterade Damon Albarn, så jag antar att hon syftade på den där Blurlåten. Varför vet jag dock inte. Cats say the darndest things.)
your are sooooooooooo sweet and beauty
ReplyDeleteRajmonda
LAMOOONDA.BLOGSPOT.COM
i didn't know that it was world cancer day, so thanks for this post! :)
ReplyDeletei wish i was a billionaire too, because that way i'd be able to help every cause there is in the world. but hey, every little thing counts, right? :)
<3, Mimi
http://whatmimiwrites.blogspot.com/
Udderly Smooth Giveaway
Idag fick jag brevet med resultatet från cellprovet som jag tog för typ en vecka sen. Det var inom normala värden. Jag tänker på dig och hoppas att du snart får likadana brev som friskförklarar dig. Tack för att du orkar skriva och vara en positiv, uppmuntrande kraft för alla som läser! Önskar dig allt gott, du vackra och kreativa!
ReplyDeleteB
so sweet, thank you fo the advices
ReplyDeleteCancer is horrible :(
ReplyDeleteYour blog is lovely, i LOVE the Smiths, my favourite band
xxx
http://thesequinedworld.blogspot.com/
Thank you for sharing your story. I started reading your blog a few years ago and as you I have, and still am, living abroad and travel a lot. It's been 5 or 6 years since I've had a pap smear and this week I had one done. Within a short period of time several people around me have received a diagnosis like yours. Had this not happened I probably would have kept putting it off. It's like life comes in the way of life. Psychologists say that time you spend taking care of yourself, whether going to the hair dresser or the doctor, gets registered in your brain as you telling yourself that you're important, inevitably boosting your self esteem. And as uncomfortable as I am going to the doctor it feels really good to have it done - for me. Because I am important. And so is everyone and I the story you're sharing matters. We should all go do those tests to show ourselves how precious we are. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAnnika I just found you through a post from the LB forum about editing fashion photos (I'm an amateur- I cant even figure out how to put two pics side by side like those pics in Lookbook!) and discovered your blog and read almost all of the recent posts in one go without realising its already 2am. I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through that horrible, horrible experience called cancer and I'm so glad you're OK! I havent met you yet but I think you're such a lovely and wonderful person. I don't normally write comments, and even if I do, it's only two sentences max. But after reading your blog I really really just wanted to tell you how much I look up to you as a fashionista, a writer, and a person. You're so courageous and everyone around you is blessed to have you. I wish I was half as good as you are (: I'm glad that you survived those challenges life faced you, and yes, I agree its so unfair. I eyesight blurred when I read that part :(
ReplyDeleteAnyway I think I've typed too much. I dont even say this much on my own blog. Just letting you know that someone somewhere out there thinks of you as a role-model :)
Love from Sydney xx
www.candidpink.blogspot.com
Hej Annika ^^ Jag tycker du är så stark! Du är verkligen min förebild! Jag är jätteledsen över din cancer, och håller fingrarna för att det ska gå bra.
ReplyDeleteDu ska veta att du verkligen ger mig styrka, jag är 16 och känner SÅ igen mig i dina texter (speciellt inlägget om din skoltid). Jag har alltid varit för lång, för smal, för konstig och trott att jag är en patetiskt förlorare. När jag började i högstadiet (efter år av mobbning, mest psykiskt) så fick jag lite vänner och jag var livrädd att de skulle inse hur "misslyckad" jag egentligen var.
Du har fått mig förstå att jag inte behöver göra mig till för någon annan, det kommer inte göra mig lyckligare. Du har verkligen hjälpt mig! Jag önskar dig all lycka <3
Hey Annika, I'm brazilian and I found you in a brazilian blog, I'd like to tell that u are one of my fashion inspiration! Well, the point is that I didn't know how an amazing girl I'm sure you are! Sometime ago I discovered your blog and dear, the way you touch people with your words... you are amazing! So you're not only a fashion inspiration for me anymore, you are more than that, I wish you the best life can offer dear! xoxo
ReplyDeleteSuzi
Hello Annika. I recently stumbled onto your blog, and I think I'm staying. You are truly an inspiration to us all. Because of you, I started wearing sun-block daily, and am trying to organize a ''walk-a-mile" program to help raise awareness for cancer, and also raise money for cancer researches. I know you are going through a rough patch right now, but please know that we're always here for you, when you have something to say.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be in my prayers.
X,
Alysha
thank you so much for posting this.
ReplyDeletevery raw, but so inspiring and true.
http://dallianceswithsuitsandskirts.blogspot.com/
It's so unfair that you of all got cancer, but I hope and I still believe that you can get through this! And it is great to see someone like you with your amazing ability to write give such a message to all of us! Gives more people reason to support the good, to cure a disease that hurt so many. I am forever proud of you, Annika!
ReplyDeleteHoping that people around you treats you well, and gives you hope.
Here is anyways some hope from me
http://www.miedina.com/
Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHej, saknar dig på bloggen även om jag vet att du inte har ro att uppdatera jämt och ständigt. Men vill bara säga att jag saknar ditt vackra sätt att skriva på.
ReplyDeleteThis post made me so emotional. It's nice to see you're so passionate about it because it really is a big fucking deal and it effects everyone. <3 RIP grandpa. I love you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this.
Loved this post. Very strong words. Now following.
ReplyDeletehttp://everydayrachel21.blogspot.com/
Jag går in här varenda jäkla dag för att se om du har skrivit något nytt; trots att jag upptäckte dig mycket nyligen. Jag hade mest bara sett ditt namn och porträtt på Aftonbladet och tänkt "bla, nån sockersöt tjej som pladdrar om mode, det var ju nytt...". Ha, så lurad man kan vara!
ReplyDeleteDet gör nästan fysiskt ont för mig att fundera över allt som måste snurra i ditt huvud och resten av din kropp just nu, men jag hoppas verkligen att du tar dig igenom det. Och för min egen del hoppas jag att jag inte behöver göra mer än just fundera, eftersom min gynekolog just ringde och berättade att jag skulle skickas till Nacka för att ta bort mina cellförändringar under narkos. Jag försöker luta mig lite lätt mot dina siffror och sannolikheten, men det där gnagande arga i magen får jag nog gå med en stund. Ifall att. Tänk om. Det kan ju.
Men det sägs att våren är på väg. Jag hoppas du får vara mitt i den, så obekymrad och lätt som är möjligt.
Måste bara säga att jag älskar dina texter och sättet du skriver på. Kram
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know that thanks to you I finally got around to do a pap smear. I was supposed to go in March of last year but I had better (?) things to do then. But after discovering you and your story, and being so moved by it, I went to the doctor's just before Christmas. All was normal, and for that I am truly grateful. I owe it all to you. I hope you will be well soon.
Thank thou again and the best of luck to you!
great post! glad to see you spreading awareness on a topic everyone should know about! xx
ReplyDeletejag har mina dagliga rutiner med vilka bloggar jag besöker, och tyvärr har du ramlat av den nu, och jag kollar din lite mer oregelbundet... men då är det bra att på min favoritplaylist på spotify så ligger låten "beutiful ones" och varje gång den spelas blir jag påmind att kolla in din. jag längtar faktiskt lite efter att du ska skriva nu, du är lite som en kär gammal vän som jag plötsligt inte får träffa så mycket. hoppas allt är på bättringsvägen.
ReplyDeleteVi saknar dig Annika! Kom tillbaka till oss!/Karin
ReplyDeletei lost my dad to leukemia. i know how you've felt since losing your friend, i've stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago and read lots of it.
ReplyDeletesince then i sometimes think of you, same age as me and going through this, and hope you're feeling okay, and that you're healing - you sound like a strong girl to me, and i hope you'll be feeling good soon, so good your only thought will be what outfit to photograph today.
big, big bear hug from Vienna.
hello everybody..
ReplyDeleteplease copy and paste this into your address bar and read:
http://www.cancertutor.com/
they have help many many people including myself..
*it does not cost anything*
god bless :)