It's about body image, ideals and the question of which women are "real" and who aren't. I absolutely agree with Libby that the problem of today's size 0 ideal is not that there are women out there who are extremely skinny, and being thin should not be considered as being unhealthy and less "real" than other women.
It bothers me so much to read comments like "eating disorders are terrible, why do girls want to be skinny when everyone knows all guys prefer real women with curves to those sticks on the catwalk?!". THIN GIRLS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM! We are all built differently and come on: 1) there are men who love curves and there are men who love thinner girls and most of all, every man who's worth anything doesn't fall for a girl because of her freakin' body type! 2) Who says anyone should try and change the way she looks because of what "guys prefer"?! 3) If we're talking about eating disorders, I'm pretty sure that very few girls with ed's are sick because they want guys to think they're sexy. Please. Life's not all about looking hot for the opposite (or same) sex. And even less so when it comes to different sorts of illnesses.
But, one thing that I'd like to add to Libby's great post: No, once again, it's not the skinny girls who are the problem. The problem is that we're constantly surrounded with images of these skinny girls, being told that they're as close to perfection as a human being can get. Especially fashion images. What we need is not to ban skinny models from the catwalks or fashion magazines, but we do need to mix it up. By letting different types of women - of different shapes, sizes and ethnicities - onto the catwalks and into the campaigns and editorials. And not say "heeeeeeey, look at these girls, look, they're not super skinny, and look at this one, she's not white, aren't we being all diverse and awesome right now?!". No, you're not, because of what you just said. Stupid. Everyone who isn't white and super thin shouldn't be an exotic exception to the white/skinny-rule.
I've been a part of the modeling industry for many years and I know for a fact that a lot of young female models have severe problems concerning their body image and eating habits. Not everyone, sure. But way too many. It doesn't really matter if you're naturally skinny when you're modeling, since there is always someone telling you that you should be even skinnier in order to be really successful. What the industry does to these girls' health is a big issue, and an even bigger one is that other girls and women are lead to believe that the way these models look is 1) aquired without much effort and 2) what a woman is supposed to look like if she wants to be considered as truly beautiful.
Because yeah, a thin girl might be completely healthy and is without a doubt just as real as everyone else - and she definitely shouldn't have to hear that she's a "bad role model" or be harassed in any way. But why has someone decided that she should be the only one representing beauty? When we all know that beauty comes is more than one shape, and that fashion has to do with so, so, so much more than your dress size or hip measurements.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThat is true and really right.
ReplyDeleteAnd may be the problem is in that we see skinny-models and (now) the models with large sizes, but where is the middle-girls? Where can I see the girl 60kg weight with 170 high (as be normal and healsy-size)?!
I'm such girl and i want to see and to hear that it is good, not ole from a doctor, I would like to hear this from the people!
The problem is - to change world's mind.
I'd like to add the short story:
My ex-boyfriend liked my belly (he'd also touched it). He always says me, that I'm beautiful and really sexy, but in the same time he said me: "You can't eat the cake" "You can't eat the ice-cream"!? What is it?!
But thank God, I have another boyfriend today.
Sorry about my English.
I absolutely agree with you that all kinds of sizes and shapes should be represented in fashion. I think it's SO stupid like when Tyra Banks says on America's Next Top Model "you're not plus size and you're not regular model size, you're more in the middle and there's really not a market for that". Umm... so there's not a market for the most average of all types of women? That's just plain insane.
ReplyDeleteI am sooooo glad you're not with that guy anymore! I've had boyfriends too who definitely didn't treat me right, like this one guy (a male model, actually) - when my agency told me I needed to lose a truly unhealthy amount of weight, he said "but you have to understand, it's like that for a reason. The perfect model measurements are also the perfect measurements for a woman when she's going to have a baby. So, it's, like, nature's way of separating the wheat from the chaff. And it's just the same with the modeling industry". UMMMMMMMMM... WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?! We weren't together for much longer after that...
I really hope the boyfriend you have now deserves you and knows how to be respectful!
Love,
Annika
Amen. I love this so much. Especially the part about trying to impress guys! Guys are usually jerks anyway. Your body should make YOU happy. As long as you're healthy, you should love your body the way it is. It would be awful if everyone looked the same. But it bugs the crap out of me when people say how someone is too skinny. It's not always because they have an eating disorder! Some people are just naturally like that. My dad will walk by while I'm watching America's Next Top Model, and he'll be so ignorant as to say, "What's the point in watching a bunch of anorexic girls?" Ugh. You totally rock for posting this, Annika. I agree with every word. I found myself nodding as I read it.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Em
Okay, so this is the type of body that is seen as 'perfection' today. But silhouettes change every single decade: in the 1920s it was all about looking mannish, in the 1950s we had Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren struttin' their curvacious stuff, and in late 1990s we saw Kate promoting the skinny, grunge look. So I really think (and hope) that the sick stick body ideal has had its highest point by now (just look at Doutzen Kroes or Rosie Huntingon; they're absolutely stunning WITH quite healthy-looking womanish bodies!).
ReplyDeleteAnother thing I wanted to say... can we really put the full blame on the fashion industry? You know, people get eating problems because its in their genes, or they have other, deeper mental problems and they use (non) eating as an outlet (like someone else would use drugs or alcohol to deal with life). I really think that if you're sane and confident and happy in your skin, covers on fashion magazines should not have a negative effect on you. If they do- it's not about the cover, it's about you.
Anonymous - No, of course we can't put the full blame on eating disorders on the fashion industry. Absolutely not. My eating disorders started before I had even laid eyes on a fashion magazine. But eating disorders are so much more than anorexia, and I'm pretty sure that for every girl with an actual ed, there are hundreds more that are feeling like shit. That are skipping meals, exercising too much, hating what they see in the mirror. They may not be sick, but they're still not healthy, because the way they look at themselves is reducing their quality of life. I've been writing about self confidence issues for years now and I've received e-mails from thousands of girls who would probably not be diagnosed with an ed if they went to see a doctor, but who has a truly unhealthy body image. And yes, I believe that the fashion industry and media is responsible for a lot of these girls' problems.
ReplyDelete"I really think that if you're sane and confident and happy in your skin, covers on fashion magazines should not have a negative effect on you."
But so many people, especially young people, aren't confident and happy in their own skin! Sure, if everyone was happy and confident, we wouldn't have all of these problems with low self esteem. But they're not. We're not. I'm in the media business myself and I absolutely think we have a responsibility to not just follow whatever body type trend is in fashion at the moment, but to provide a variety of beauty - not to mention, focus on more than just what's on the immediate surface.
And how come every time someone has an opinion that differs even the slightest from mine, they're always anonymous? Do people with blogs never have a discrepant opinion or are they scared I'm going to start spamming their blogs with my rabid propaganda? :)
I don't have a blog. That's the reason I went for the 'Anonymous' label. :)
ReplyDeleteThe thing is... I study 'media & communication', and I can tell you: it's about selling. Magazines, TV programs, radio shows: it is truly all of shit quality nowadays, basically because our society thrives on commercial capitalism. So if skinny bodies on the cover sell more issues, that's what will be on the cover, period. Yes, I fully agree with you that a variety of body types is something that should be served by the media- but the problem: the media is not here to voice public concerns anymore, the media has an entertaining value and wants to SELL.
It is sad. And there are plenty of people who do not have found that sanity concerning their body, like you clearly have, and search for it in the media.
I'm just glad that someone realizes it's not the "skinny" girl's fault. I'm naturally underweight by a decent margin, but perfectly healthy.
ReplyDeleteI have friends who are middle of the road, thin like me, and a best friend who's very much plus size - and they're all beautiful. And we all agree that we're very different looking and that's a good thing!
And it really hurts me whenever I see people saying that if I'm thin, I'm obviously afflicted with an eating disorder, I have no respect for anyone who isn't my size, and I'm not "real". I eat every day, I don't exercise to excess and I'm thin. I'm not anorexic or bulimic or anything and it really gets under my skin when other girls joke about me being so - I don't consider that kind of thing funny.
You and Libby are absolutely right here - we need representation for *all sizes* and that includes the thin girls, the average size AND the plus size.
Anonymous - Of course it's about selling. But that doesn't mean that media should not take responsibility for what images they chose to represent beauty, and it also doesn't mean it's impossible to change. For ages, they said that men's magazines could absolutely not put a man on the cover. The biggest men's mag in Sweden went through a total makeover a few years back, started to focus a lot less on sexy girls and instead on male fashion, serious interviews and articles on different social and cultural phenomenons. But they still put women in their underwear on the cover - because if they didn't, the magazine would simply die. Well... Today they only put (famous) men on the cover. And apparently it does work, because they're still the biggest men's mag - and tons of other magazines have followed their lead. It's so easy to say that "if we don't use super skinny models in every editorial, it will reflect badly on us as a magazine and people won't buy it". I'm sorry, but I don't believe that. I'm not sold on the whole "let's give people what they want"-idea. People want a lot of things, and more so, we often don't even reflect on what we want, we just consume what's there. Plus - we all have a responsibilty as individuals to make choices as to what kind of society we want our children to grow up in. We can just sit back and relax and say that "thin equals money and there's nothing we can do about it" - or we can try. We can discuss the issues, and we can do whatever's in our power to make ever the smallest changes. Since you're studying media and communcations I'm guessing you're planning on working in this field later on, which means that you'll have the power to make a difference. I've been writing about these issues in some of Sweden's largest publications for four years now and I definitely don't think that it's been all for nothing. But we all have to pitch in.
ReplyDeleteI agree: the media are cowards. But it is really hard to break the habit of operating in a certain way for many years. You see, one of the main laws behind the media industry system is the 'logic of safety': it's the idea that whatever sold yesterday, will sell tomorrow- if we do something else, that means taking risks, risks mean investing money that you're not sure you will earn back. This is the exact reason why for the past couple of we've been bombarded by those 'search for talent' sing shows on TV: it was profitable the first time, so until the time that the viewers will stop viewing, it will be the next big (but repeated) show on TV.
ReplyDeleteI like your example of the change that the Swedish male magazine went through. But they still use models/ famous males on the cover, not random guys they picked up from the street who look 'normal', right? I really can say (and I speak from my own experience, too) that the majority of people who read magazines, watch TV, surf on the internet do it for the pure sake of escapism/ entertainment. On the cover of a magazine, people want to see a dream-like, fiction image- something that does not reflect the daily life, because that's exactly what people are running from! So the skinny trend represents a fantasy, an ideal, yes, but still above-all: a fantasy. It’s human nature to image and to dream about things one does not have; that’s the whole charm of dreaming about it! So, the question then becomes: can the ‘normal’ body be entertaining, too?
You know, there is so much debate going on concerning media’s effects: do TV series and brutal make up violent children? Are magazines responsible for sickening young females? And always the answer is: no. If you would answer it conversely, you would be putting too much power in the media’s system- saying that ‘the media are causing…’ is just technologically deterministic. It is, however, a fact that if one already is insecure by nature, or has an above average sense of aggression, he/ her might be influenced by what he sees in the media. But it is never the only reason!
So perhaps we should try to change people’s mindsets, along with changing the media? Perhaps we should start teaching useful things in school, something like ‘how to deal with everyday life’ instead of freakin’ geography, PE or biology? Perhaps we should have… more blogs like this one?! :D
Yes, I do study media & communication, but honestly, it was never my aim to end up working in the media industry- it’s just too vain and empty of a place, I always thought. But after having had this ‘debate’ here now, I realize that, indeed, I could make it less of such a place- and actually, try to make a change. I don’t know. Maybe. :)
I think it's very brave of you to bring up this touchy subject!!!! I've always thought to tell someone skinny "to eat" is basically as offensive as saying to someone considered overweight to "not eat"!
ReplyDeleteI don't believe I have an eating disorder...but I absolutely do not feel good about my body, which has to do with not just fashion, but also my parents, the asian culture of being "asian thin" and whatnot.
ANYWAY, I agree with you about the "exotic token black/asian/indian/non-white model" or the token "curvy model" (Lara or Doutzen isn't really even that curvy in my opinion...) as well. In a slightly different tangent, I'm also sick of the model/fashion/race issue being only black vs. white. What about Asians, South Americans, Indians, etc?? I'm tired of diversity translated as a two-option world...being defined as plus-size vs model-thin, black vs. white...
Sorry in advance if I sound slightly incoherent, I read this at 3am in the morning and to comment immediately.
I agree: the media are cowards. But it is really hard to break the habit of operating in a certain way for many years. You see, one of
ReplyDeletethe main laws behind the media industry system is the 'logic of safety': it's the idea that whatever sold yesterday, will sell tomorrow- if we do something else, that means taking risks, risks mean investing money that you're not sure you will earn back. This is the exact reason why for the past couple of we've been bombarded by those 'search for talent' sing shows on TV: it was profitable the first time, so until the time that the viewers will stop viewing, it will be the next big (but repeated) show on TV.
I like your example of the change that the Swedish male magazine went through. But they still use models/ famous males on the cover, not
random guys they picked up from the street who look 'normal', right? I really can say (and I speak from my own experience, too) that the
majority of people who read magazines, watch TV, surf on the internet do it for the pure sake of escapism/ entertainment. On the cover of a magazine, people want to see a dream-like, fiction image- something that does not reflect the daily life, because that's exactly what
people are running from! So the skinny trend represents a fantasy, an ideal, yes, but still above-all: a fantasy. It’s human nature to image
and to dream about things one does not have; that’s the whole charm of dreaming about it! So, the question then becomes: can the ‘normal’
body be entertaining, too?
(continued...)
ReplyDeleteYou know, there is so much debate going on concerning media’s effects: do TV series and brutal make up violent children? Are magazines
responsible for sickening young females? And always the answer is: no. If you would answer it conversely, you would be putting too much power in the media’s system- saying that ‘the media are causing…’ is just technologically deterministic. It is, however, a fact that if one already is insecure by nature, or has an above average sense of aggression, he/ her might be influenced by what he sees in the media. But it is never the only reason!
So perhaps we should try to change people’s mindsets, along with changing the media? Perhaps we should start teaching useful things in school, something like ‘how to deal with everyday life’ instead of freakin’ geography, PE or biology? Perhaps we should have… more blogs like this one?! :D
Yes, I do study media & communication, but honestly, it was never my aim to end up working in the media industry- it’s just too vain and
empty of a place, I always thought. But after having had this ‘debate’ here now, I realize that, indeed, I could make it less of such a
place- and actually, try to make a change. I don’t know. Maybe. :)
Awesome, Annika!! <3
ReplyDeleteAnnika! I just saw your comment on my blog. Thanks so much first of all...Second I wish I had the energy to engage in this debate or write something intelligent, especially since I'm the "normal-sized" exception: a size 6 (sometimes smaller, sometimes bigger) girl who gets regular work in New York. I hate when Tyra says that as well (about there only being room for the plus-sized or the zero-sized), since I happen to know it's NOT true. (BTW: Do you know Meghan Carlson's blog on Buddy TV? She writes a recap of ANTM every week and she hates Tyra and it is HYSTERICAL. She also recaps the Bachelor, which I'm going to pretend I did not just publicly admit to totally avidly watching ;)) It's sad to see the toll starvation takes on these young high-fashion girls who absolutely have not thought through the long-term effects on their reproductive health or future quality of life. But when I've tried to say anything, even gently, they've been mostly DELIGHTED. Wrong reaction. "You think I'm too skinny? That's great!" Oh no, I'd smack myself. I just ENCOURAGED her eating disorder. I know it's so hard to know what to say, but I'm glad more girls are trying to. I feel like every girl deserves to be happy and to put her mad, mad energy into creating, not destroying who she really is! That's my struggle too!
ReplyDeleteYES, I totally agree with you!
ReplyDeleteI hate it when people wear shirts with slogans such as,"Hey skinny, your ribs are showing,' and stuff like that. It doesn;t really matter whether you are skinny or not. I model for some brands and so I need to be skinny, but its really offensive when people insult skinnier girls about her weight as well. To be honest, there really isn;t an 'ideal' weight. You should be able to be whatever you want. Its just like how society pressures guys to be taller and all that stuff
www.creamycookielove.blogspot.com
it's not just so simple that you think you're large and so you decide to lose weight. i never thought i was large or fat or anything. i can't find an idea how i got ill.
ReplyDeletei think the media is..like, you know their story is people get anorexia, because they want to be thin and they see other people in magazines and on the catwalk and they think, "i wanna be like that." and to be honest, that's a really good story, why they want to change it, you know, it's a perfect story. but it's not the truth, i mean, maybe for some people is, but i know that for me it's not. you know, i havn't anorexia because i want to look like other peoples. it's the image in my head, you know, there's no one that's my idol. it's just the image in my head, that is my idol. but it's not a real person.
i think it's too easy to blame the fashionindustry for that. you know, the fashion industry is always a copy of the society in the moment, it reflects what the people want to see and want to be. it was always like that and we all know that. so if we don't stop thinking that way, there will be no change. and i really hope that there will be a change in the future.. some little changes already happen, but we're just at the beginning.
and i don't think that fashionblogs like this help very much. u're looking like a super skinny supermodel. maybe you are, but i don't think that you have the right to criticize the meadia as long as u are an idol like this. nothing against you, you look very pretty, but i hope u know what i mean.
xoxo
Dear Alice,
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry to hear that you're ill. I really am. But as you're saying yourself, that "perfect story" of girls who think they're fat because of society's ideals is the truth for some people. A lot of people, actually. Eating disorders can have so many different causes, that doesn't make each and every one of those causes less real or problematic. You might not be affected by today's skinny ideals, but when so many other people are, isn't that reason enough to try to change it? I think that's a bit like saying "why fight world poverty when I personally have lots of money in my wallet?".
You say that's it's too easy to blame the fashion industry for women's low self-esteem, and that fashion is a reflection of the values and ideals of today's society. Well, I think that's too easy. Of course the fashion industry and the media have a responsibility regarding what images and ideas of beauty they choose to project! I'd say the biggest problem is the fact that noone wants to accept any responsibility at all. The magazines say that the brands and designers send them tiny sample sizes to use in their editorials, the model agencies say that their models need to fit the sample sizes, the photographers say that all the models they have to choose from are super skinny, and the fashion houses just say "screw it, fashion is for skinny people, deal with it".
I think fashion blogs like this one do help very much. I think all blogs help create the diversity that's needed to make people see that fashion is for everyone. Just like I'm saying in the post, I absolutely don't want to "ban" skinny girls from the fashion industry, just like I hate the fact that women with every other body type are banned today. Fashion and beauty should not be about your size - it should be about creativity, how you express yourself, how you interpret trends, how you transform your look according to your mood. I think it's quite rude to say that I shouldn't be allowed to criticize the media or the fashion industry just because I'm thin and have a blog. I work in the media business, I've been a model for many years and I've experienced first hand what the fashion industry does to young girls' body image and feel of self-worth. I've talked to hundreds of girls who feel insecure and inferior because they compare themselves with an ideal that doesn't even exist. I've seen how photographers retouch fourteen year old models - not to make them skinnier, but to remove all of the bones sticking out of their starved bodies, creating an image that is impossible for anyone to live up to - not even the models themselves.
I have suffered from eating disorders for so long but since a couple of years I'm healthy, I take care of my body to keep it that way, and though I'm much bigger than I used to be I now love my body and constantly work on improving my own self-esteem. If I'm not allowed to criticize the different factors that made me sick for ten years of my life, well, who is? Someone who's never experienced the downsides of the industry? Someone who doesn't have a blog or a column in a magazine, who doesn't dedicate a lot of time and effort to debate these issues? Are maybe only overweight people allowed to talk about insecurities and problems with body image?
So, no, I don't know what you mean. Or - I do, but I don't think you're right. But I very much hope that you get the help you need to get better, because I know what a physical and emotional prison an eating disorder is, and how it keeps you from experience so many beautiful things in life, and I don't wish that upon anyone.
Take care!
i'm sorry if i insulted you. that was not what i wanted to do. i just wanted to say, how it is in my opinion. i have to admit i was very rude.
ReplyDeletei just meant the pictures, because i think that some of them look like these photos young girls call "thinspirations" on their "pro ana" blogs. and i'm pretty sure some of your followers see you like that.
i'm happy you recoverd from this illness, or you're on the way to get better, really. and i respect you and your opinion! and some of your posts are great like the one with the quote "You can take your pain and throw it away, move on and never look back. But then it will all have been for nothing. Then all it did was hurt."
you give brave girls a face, and that's cool.
thank you for answering my comment! and i'm sorry but the world would be so boring if we were all at the same opiniton..
and sorry for my english ;)
xoxo
Haha, then I have so excuse my English as well I suppose, because I never even considered that English wouldn't be your first language! I have no problem with it at all.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit confused that you think my photos look like pro ana thinspiration pics. During the years when I was sick (I would say that I have no traces of eating disorders left, but I still have to be careful about my eating patterns - especially when I'm feeling down about something else - so I don't risk a replapse) I really wouldn't have considered photos like mine thinspiration. I'm a US size 6 and have a completely normal bmi, curvy hips and no bones sticking out. Since I'm so much less skinny than every model you'll see in a fashion magazine, I'd say every magazine is way more risky for young girls to read.
I'm glad you appreciate some of my posts, thank you!
Oh, and also - I don't think it's a problem for very skinny girls, either, to post their outfit photos online. We are all beautiful in our own way and noone should have to be considered a bad role model because of their size or body type. We just need more diversity so that not only skinny girls feel like they have something to contribute to the world of fashion.
ReplyDeletemaybe you are right but i think too many girls associate fashion with being thin, thats a very dangerous link i think. and that's just what i thought when i first saw your pictures. that's because i was a little bit confused when i saw what u write about that topic..
ReplyDeletemaybe some people think now..YES it's very easy for that pretty and thin girl to talk about "accept or love your body".
i know now that it is not easy for you too.
and i know that you just want to give girls braveness.
so thanks for answering again, i have to say that i underestimate you. i'm sorry for that!
xoxo
And that's exactly why I think fashion magazine have a huge responsibility - they're read by millions of girls and if those girls only see super skinny girls on every page, of course they're going to associate fashion with being extremely thin! But if they saw the same gorgeous clothes on beautiful girls with different body types, maybe they'd start to see fashion as it's supposed to be viewed - as a form of art and a very powerful device for expressing yourself, making a statement, or creating something that's interesting, provocative, challenging - or, simply, beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBut you're absolutely right - I've been writing about these issues for six years and people have told me many, many, many times that it's easy for me to accept my body because I'm thin. And they have a point. They're obviously wrong when they think someone who's thin can't have body issues - but they are right suggesting that I could never imagine what it's like to be overweight. I don't. I do know what it's like to feel like you're overweight, but since I've never been myself, I can't truly understand what it's like. And it's not like I can change that - this is what I look like when I eat everything I want, that's how I'm built. That's also why I think it's so important to create a more dynamic and versatile ideal, because I don't want to be considered "lucky" that I'm naturally thin. I didn't do anything to deserve my dna, just like noone else did anything to deserve theirs. Everyone should be able to eat three real meals every day, exercise moderately to keep their bodies strong and healthy, and be considered 100% beautiful (and fashionable!) for who they are and for what their bodies look like. Just because we're told skinny is beautiful doesn't mean it's true. The facts that the ideals go through drastic changes with time is proof that what's considered beautiful is not only in the eye of the beholder, but it's also created by the forces of the time and society we live in - and that means we can change it. We don't have to accept that there's only one or two body types that are viewed as "perfect" (the really skinny fashion model and the curvier, sexy swimsuit/underwear model). I believe that the blogs and the personal style communities could come to have enormous impact and really make a difference. But that requires a lot of courage from girls who don't have the traditional skinny body type, to put themselves out there for people to judge them, in order to become role models and pioneers. Since I look the way I do, I don't have the opportunity to be one of them. But I can do everything in my power to raise the issues, discuss them and try my best to make people think about why we look at our bodies the way we do.
Thank you for your kind words, and I truly wish you the best of luck with your recovery. You seem like a very thoughtful person and you so don't deserve to struggle with these terrible difficulties.
Love,
Annika
thank you for your kind words too :) i really hope that it will be like you described it one day and that you will be a part of this change. but it's a long way i guess. those people in this industry are too ignorant to care.
ReplyDeletei don't know why but i think often the thinkful and ambitious girls suffer from this illness. it's a shame. i've learned so many pretty, intelligent girls who came to the point where they actually don't want to be themselves anymore. they are so gifted and talented people and have to struggle with those issues. i'm sorry that you had to go through this, too. i have the biggest respect for you, if you can really live healthy today. it's so hard for me to fight these demons even if i get the help that i need and have people who care and love me. actually i often hurt them more than myself.
i don't really mind if i die, to be honest, because i'm not that happy anyway. when they were telling me that i will die and that it's not a game, i was thinking, well, you said that to me a week ago and i'm not dead now. i mean, i've lost more weight and yes, you push it to the limit really. people at school were saying, that i am already skinny, i didn't think so. i wanted to see it from myself. that's when you stop eating and you still don't see it. the others say you're freakishly skeleton, but you don't see it.
now my weight is actually way more healthy but it's still hard for me to accept that and to be okay with that. when i stare on the scale and see that i've gained weight i just think, oh you're a failure you know, you're huge and you've gained so much weight in such a short space of time. do we get ever rid of the thoughts i our heads or do we just learn to controll them?
i guess i know the anwer..
keep on writing and fighting lovely annika!
xoxo
Sweetie, yes, we do get rid of those thoughts! I have and you will. Your honesty and your insight shows that you've already come such a long way, and you will reach the point where you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel beautiful, where you won't step onto the scale for months at a time - not because you can't stand seeing those numbers, but because you simply don't care. It might take years, I know it did for me, but you will get there.
ReplyDeleteI look at my eating disorder sort of as being a sober alcoholic - even if I never force myself to throw up or starve again for the rest of my life, I will always have to be cautious about my lifestyle. I can't exercise too much (or much at all), I can't think about what I eat or make up even the slightest "rules" for my eating (like "I shouldn't eat so much candy") - because if I do, I know those sick thoughts may start creeping back, especially if I'm going through a hard time dealing with other things. The memory of my illness will always accompany me, ready to strike if I let it, but it won't. I won't let it. I eat whatever I want, I don't exercise besides normal paced walks and bike rides, and I promise you: I feel so good. I'm genuinely grateful for the body I've got, clothes look much better on me now, I'm a million times happier and best of all, I can focus on all of the good things in my life that I always neglected when I was sick. I'm free to pursue my dreams and goals, cultivate my skills and talents, and it's so incredibly liberating, I couldn't even explain in if I tried.
I know how hard it is to get better. I know that when you've been sick for a long time, you almost feel like you're nothing, noone, if you don't have your eating disorder to give you an identity. You think that your illness is who you are and without it you can't survive. But that's because those are not your real thoughts and feelings, that's your illness talking, and it desperately wants you to hold on to it. Because if you don't, it will die. Of course you're not happy, of course you don't care if you live or die right now - you can't be happy, since your eating disorder wants you to give up. If you do, it's mission is accomplished, and it's trying to do everything it possibly can to keep you down. Because it know that you hold, in your own hands, the power to kill it. It's a parasite feeding off of your body and soul, and when you finally dispose of it, you get your freedom back. Your body, your soul, your heart, your life. You will start to see the colors again, hear the music, smell the flowers, feel the touch of someone's fingertips on your bare skin again. It will be like being re-born. And you will be eternally grateful that you didn't give up, that you pulled through, and you will forever walk around with a sense of pride - knowing you can overcome anything.
<3 <3 <3
thank you so much for those words! what kind of fairy are you? thanks for spending your time with helping me. maybe you think i've must heard this kind of words a hundred times, but not this way. i can actually feel how inspired i am now.
ReplyDeleteand i feel ashamed because i condemn you too fast. that's one of my human mistakes. :)
i really want to go through the wold with this kind of pride! all i know is this wrong pride i used to have. like "i'm better, i don't need food, they all just don't understand me" but that's so wrong..
you nearly kept me crying. never stop being like you are, this is so rare.
i keep your words in my head. i'm sure they will help me in some weak moments!
♥♥♥♥
Dear Annika, THANK YOU SO MUCH for linking this on lookbook forum!
ReplyDeleteI agree with every single word you wrote and I am so happy to see that other people realise that this is a reall problem...
Thank you for inspiring me!
http://bitterdoglady.blogspot.com/
What a great post to read. I'll just drop a couple of my thoughts in.
ReplyDelete1. I've always felt far more judged by girls than guys.
2. I'm sick of larger women being referred to as 'real' women. I'm real too, even if I'm not overweight. That makes me feel like some kind of fake, even though I'm rather average and a healthy weight.
3. I'd love to see a good mix of models. I always appreciate it on clothes websites when they state the size the model is wearing and her height. I'd like to see shorter models too. We're not all nearly 6ft!
Great post.
I have honestly say that i sometimes feel insecure when i see models who are alot thinner than me. because ive never had a very good "self-esteem" to begin with. ive always thought you have to be ridiculously thin or have big breasts to be considered "Sexy" or "beautiful" to a man or the world for that matter.
ReplyDeletei'm not saying i have anything against naturally thin girls/models. they are who they are. and if theyre happy with themselves, then thats awesome. but i feel like i'm considered "Fat" because im not a "Size 0" i'm a size 6 & 8 & my weight is exactly where it should be for my height and age. id love to see ALL different types of women represented. no one is the same.
One thing that really fucks my mind is Lookbook. Skinny girls - some even so skinny that people start to worry, and no, NOT because they are jealous, but because the Lookbooker has become very skinny, almost skeleton-like even though that girl was not that skinny in the past - everywhere. I have an Eating Disorder and it seems like I have to stop checking Lookbook for inspiration as it affects me just too much.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon this through a series of other things (oh the internet!) and I must say it has been a very interesting dialogue! I find your opinion fascinating and a brilliant example of truly equitable thinking (thank you!); however, I have found it a great read based on the differing opinions. Thanks for writing about something real, well!
ReplyDeleteYou see, I have always been on the opposite side of the border. Even though I have been eating healthy, sometimes even starving myself,exercising madly, taking pills and etc. I have never managed to loose this extra fat I have in my body. I see those skinny models in the magazines, beautiful clothes, and know I can't look good wearing them. Even though I got older, have amazing boyfriend but still have problems with my body shape and truly would happily swap it for skinnier type. I know it's probably stupid. I know I should use to the body I have but still I can't accept it. When my boyfriend touches my belly I want to take his hand away cause I feel it's disgusting. Why I feel this way? I don't really know. But would give so much to feel different.
ReplyDeleteAs a 105 pound senior in high-school, I am SO glad to see someone not blaming my "body type" for eating disorders. Believe me, I have PLENTY of self image problems, even though I've been told many women would kill to have a body like mine. I have a really hard time finding flattering clothes within my price range. It does no good to blame someone else for our own self image issues, we just have to learn to love and accept ourselves the way we are.
ReplyDelete