Whatever you do, stay true to yourself - because you're worth it.

I truly admire people who aren't afraid to experiment and go their own way - in fashion, and in life. They are always the ones who inspire me the most! I don't even have to agree with their choices, I get inspired simply by the fact that they make a statement and are not afraid to take risks.

Like Lauren of Someone Like Me, who writes about her decision not to have sex until she's married in her post "Your Innocence is Brilliant". This is never something I would choose for myself, but I admire her for sharing such an intimate part of herself with her readers - and by doing that, providing strength to other young people who are dealing with these issues.

I'm all for a more liberal view on female sexuality, and when I first read Lauren's post, I thought "but what about all these girls (and boys, but let's focus on the girls) who have sex because they want to? Are they supposed to feel like their not 'pure' enough? And the girls who are put in situations they're not comfortable with, maybe because they suffer from terribly low self-esteem, problems at home, or worse, are getting abused - should they think that God is ashamed of them for not still being virgins when they get married?"

But then I realized two things.
1 - We should all be able to be proud of our beliefs and share them with people without needing to highlight the fact that we're all different and what is right for someone may not be right for someone else. This is Lauren's opinion and she has every right to make a point of it. If everytime we express a thought, we have to write "THIS IS ONE PERSON'S OPINION AND PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED", we're creating a climate where it's hard to ever work up the courage to speak one's mind.
2 - Young women are constantly - from girls' magazines to movies to hit songs to tv shows to their everyday lives - subjected to the possibility of having sex. Why shouldn't they, too, be presented with an option? This is what Lauren is providing. An alternative to that what has become the norm, the standard way of looking at things.

My opinion on the matter is quite simple. If anyone wants to wait with having sex, I think that's great - because we should all be true to ourselves and not put us through things we're not ready for. If, on the other hand, someone else feels like she's ready to have sex and are taking the necessary precautions (like: using a condom!) - that's also great. And, if you're not ready to have sex but are pressured or forced into it, that's absolutely awful. You should talk to someone about it and get help to get out of the situation - but you're not dirty, you're not ruined in any way.

I went through a really bad experience in my early teens and I never talked to anyone about it. Instead, I kept thinking it was my own fault and that it didn't matter what people did to me in the future, because I'd already lost my chance at being a pure, clean, innocent and valuable human being. It definitely didn't help that this was in a period of time when Britney Spears was the hottest new act out there, and maybe some of you are too young to remember this, but her "thing" was that she was going to be a virgin until she was married (to Justin Timberlake, I might add). All the guys in my class (I was 14) thought she was the sexiest and prettiest girl ever, and what was especially awesome was of course the fact that she was untouched. I felt like I had been turned into this piece of trash that noone would ever want - and I hadn't even been in on it, I didn't get a choice.

It took me years and years of not very wise choices (and later, therapy) to understand that this was not true, that God would never take his hand from someone who's a victim of bad circumstances, and that each moment in your life is a chance to start over. You can never make the things that have happened to you undone, you have to live with the consequences of all of your actions, but you can forgive yourself. You can decide that what's happened is in the past, and that from now on, your're going to move forward.

These are my experiences, and all of my friends have their own stories that have shaped who they are today, and their view on sexuality. I know people who lost their virginities while drunk to someone they don't even remember and still regret it, people who lost their virginities while drunk to someone they don't even remember, thought it was perfectly okay and never felt bad about it, people who waited until they got married and then got divorced because they realized they weren't compatible at all, people who waited until they got married and are oh so glad they did. People who were raped a long time ago and who still suffer, others who were raped, got through it and are completely fine today.

Everyone is different, and the only thing we can be sure of is this: the most precious gift we can give ourselves is to respect ourselves as well as eachother, stay true to our beliefs, whatever they might be, and to try our best not to judge. If you made a bad decision yesterday, you can make a better one today. It's never too late to start treating yourself with respect, and it's never too late to forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. If other people wronged you, you don't ever have to forgive them - but you can stop blaming yourself. Don't let them define you. You're so much better than that.