A romantic comedy made entirely out of styrofoam.

Sunday night, Ronnie and I were going to the cinema to see The Tree of Life. When we got to the movie theatre, a couple of minutes before the movie started, we discovered that Ronnie had somehow gotten two different theatres confused - and we were actually a twenty minute walk away from the one we were supposed to be at.

Oh well. We quickly decided not to let this spoil our night, and instead we got tickets to the only film that was starting there and then. That turned out to be one called Larry Crowne, written and directed by Tom Hanks, starring himself and the gorgeous Julia Roberts.

We figured, "a romantic comedy with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts - how bad can it be?". A little less than two hours later, I had the answer to that question. And the answer is: it can be really, really, really bad.

Trust me - I'm not pretentious at all when it comes to film. Sure, I love movies that make me feel enlightened and educated, but I also have this huge, squishy, mushy soft spot for romantic comedies. The list of my all time favorite films include both Notting Hill and Love Actually, and I'd never say no to a movie night with a big bowl of popcorn and Dirty Dancing, You've Got Mail, Pretty Woman, Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally or The Wedding Singer on dvd.

But acting in a lot of romantic comedies clearly doesn't mean you know how to write and direct one yourself. I mean, Tom Hanks will always have a place in the movie section of my heart (come on, he's Forrest, Forrest Gump!), and I truly wanted to like this Larry Crowne-movie.

If I'll try to be super gentle: The film was sweet, and... well, it was sweet. Sort of. I did say "aaaw" a few times. Though, unfortunately, in that "I feel so bad for you because you seem to be a nice person and I can see that you're trying but it's not good enough, it's not even close to good enough, it's like you went to the wrong movie theatre and good enough is playing way down 3rd avenue and no matter how you rush there's no way you're going to make it there in time"-way.

The movie feels like it's four hours long; if you laugh, you laugh at the characters instead of with them, and it has a plot that is... no, wait, I'll tell you the plot. (No spoilers, promise - you can see all of this in the trailer.) Tom Hanks plays Larry Crowne who's kind, dorky, middle-aged and divorced. He gets fired from his job at a supermarket because he didn't go to college. So, he starts going to college. He buys a scooter. He meets a young, beautiful, hip girl who also drives a scooter. She gives him hip clothes and confidence, so when he falls in love with his stunning college professor (Julia Roberts), she falls in love with him, too.

Nothing wrong with any of this. Actually, like so often with American trailers (where they always tell you the whole movie from beginning to end - why do they do that?!?!?!?!??), it looks like a pretty decent romantic comedy. The problem is that what you see in the trailer is everything that's worth seeing. Everything. I can't recall one joke, one single line, that isn't in that trailer. Because yes, about two percent of the film is good. The rest is empty stuffing, padding, those styrofoam pieces they put in packages to... I don't know why they do that. Probably has something to do with making the packages more solid and less fragile? No? That's not the point. The point is that it's not cool to make a movie that's disguised as a standard quality romantic comedy, when the truth is it's a film only a mother could love. And maybe Tom Hanks himself. (No offence Tom, you're wonderful: I love you, just not everything you do.)

I guess what I'm trying to say with this post is: don't make the same mistake that we did. If you happen to end up at the wrong movie theatre and the only film that's playing that you haven't already seen is Larry Crowne - go do something else. Sit on a bench for two hours if you have to (at least it's free). When it comes out on dvd, don't waste your money on renting it, and for the love of God, don't break the law by downloading it. (Oh, it's not my place to lecture anyone on downloading copyrighted material, but please don't take a risk for this particular movie. Seriosuly. Don't.) Your time is too precious.