I'm so tired. I'm sick and I'm lonely and I'm exhausted. I can't post any outfits because I'm too worn down to get dressed. When I feel like this, I can't even imagine that I'll keep blogging; I can't see how it will be possible for me to write about myself, my every day life, how I'll ever put on nice clothes again and go outside and take photos and post them. It all seems unbearably hard, almost impossible - and what's worse, I can't see the point in any of it. Not right now.
The reason I started this blog was not that I thought people would admire me, tell me I'm pretty or that my clothes are cute, that I'm a good writer or that my opinions are interesting. It definitely wasn't because I have any illusions that I'll start earning money from it or become a so called "blogger celebrity". No, the reason was very simple: I felt all alone, and I desperately wanted to communicate with people, someone, anyone. And it worked! You wonderful people, who comment on this blog or e-mail me, have become the group of friends I simply don't have "in real life". But just like I have serious trouble staying in touch with friends outside of the internet, I don't see how I will be able to keep all of you in my life. And the reason is exactly the same: I don't feel like I've got anything to give. I'm nothing but this sad, lonely girl who lies on her couch and watches Grey's Anatomy until she falls asleep at 5 am because she's scared to go to bed alone, who won't talk about anything but her cats, who bites her fingernails down to the flesh, who wants to eat but can't find the energy to even make a sandwhich. Who can't take care of herself, so how could she ever be of any use to anyone else?
That's how I feel tonight.
Yes, I truly am Little Miss Sunshine.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've had the most painful period cramps all day, throwing up and feeling ridiculously sorry for myself. Or maybe that they found premalignant changes during a pap smear back in August, that I've been worried out of my mind ever since and am having surgery in ten days and I'm just not good with surgeries, I'm not good with being sick, I'm not good with hospitals and pain and needles and maybe I shouldn't watch so much Grey's Anatomy because people constantly die on that show from the most routine procedures.
Or maybe it's because my boyfriend is making a film in another town and he's never home and even though I'm happy for him and proud of him and even though I've gotten better at it since the cats came into our lives, I'm still not exactly comfortable with being by myself. My head starts producing the bad kind of thoughts and noone is here to tell me they aren't true (and that even if they are, they won't kill me).
Or maybe, just maybe, this all is somehow connected to the fact that my best friend in the world, the only best friend I've ever had, the only person who's ever really, really known me through and through, was buried a year ago today.
I wrote her a song, it's bad, of course, since I'm not a particularly musical person, not like she was. But I still think she'd be proud of me, she might even like it. It starts like this:
Once or twice or a thousand times, I have wished to live my life all over
Not that I would change a thing; I just want to do it all again
Break the same rules, play the same games
Feel that way you made me feel
I'd make the same mistakes, make them twice as bad
If that's what it takes.
Corny, yes. I'm a corny person.
Fanny, I am so so so so so sorry we had to bury you, but I hope you were there to see it, because it was beautiful. And it wasn't one of those funerals where people are calm and collected with eyes that are just a little red, no, we cried, we cried so much that we couldn't breathe; you had been dead for a month and still we all cried so hard that now and again it drowned out the voice of the priest, because that's how broken our hearts were, that's how impossible the thought that you were really gone. And the huge church was filled with family and friends who all love you, crammed, people were standing in the back. You touched the hearts of so many. You changed my life. And I am so grateful. I'm so sorry we had to bury you. I'm so sorry that it's been a year and I still haven't figured out a way to bring you back. But I think about you every second of every minute of every day and there is no way you will ever be forgotten. Ever. If I'm lucky enough to have children, I will tell them all about you and they will feel safe knowing that their godmother is an angel who's watching over their every step.
So: That's how I feel tonight. It's embarrassing and agonizingly pathetic, but that's life. I'll get through this night, I'll get through the next one, and I'll keep gettin through them until the sun rises again and I'll wake up without feeling like I've been stabbed in the heart. And on it goes. The good with the bad and the bad with the good.
Maybe I shouldn't have told you all this, but I have noone else to tell. And you are my friends. However sad that might sound.
Fina du! Du är inte ensam, även om det kanske kan kännas så ibland. Puss. <3
ReplyDeleteVi är här!
ReplyDeletePlease don't feel like that...the fact that you're there,you're alive is already a gift. You've touched so many hearts already and said you've got nothing to give is a lie...I don't know how pain is to loose a friend but I've lost my dad when I was 7 and the pain got bigger and bigger but we have to accept the fact that it was out of our control...it's ok to cry but don't regret anything for what you've done...it's just too painful...hope you'll get well soon, beautiful :)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel, even if that statement is not really especially helpful. It is not quite fair of me to try and take possession of your pain and your feelings though, so I won't go on about all the ways I get why it hurts. I do want you to know you're not alone though, the way your brutally honest posts helps me feel that I'm not alone. Just to let you know that there's someone out here reading (keeping you virtual company) who won't ever judge, and who knows what it's like to wake up in the morning unable to motivate getting out of bed. It's getting late, so I hope you get a good night's sleep and wake up in the morning feeling better. Thanks for everything you write and share. Lots of love xx.
ReplyDelete(ps. sorry if I'm being silly and writing in english when I'm actually Swedish and I know you are too, sometimes it just flows better.)
I'm glad you think of all of us as friends.
ReplyDeleteI've been told that most bloggers are lone wolves. they write because they're lonely and there is something going on in their lives that they can't or won't speak to about the people in their lives.
we are a huge pack of lone wolves, and I love reading what you write. I love the love you have for your cats and Fanny, and I am so jealous of this love that just fills you up.
don't forget that even though she's not here anymore, you still love her and she still loves you. you can't forget that kind of bond. ever.
You're never alone. I don't care how corny or cliched or false it may sound, because it really is true. You always have us, whoever we are. Whether 'virtual' or 'real'. And writing, singing, dancing, drawing how you feel really is a great way to physically remove some of the pain that sits so embodied under your skin, in your heart, brain, stomach. Call on us, think of us, just the way we do to and about you. The pain will go away soon, and when it does, it usually seems smaller than what you're currently experiencing. So, remember, we are here. And Annika, you're beautiful. One can't hear such things too many times. Big love. <3 emma
ReplyDeleteI so sorry you feel that way,I've had those days before umm i think this video may help, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
ReplyDeleteif not, well i hope it made u smile at least
This thing you've written is just...so real...so hard to find in this blogging world of fake, lame, empty, superficial poses. And I specially love the part when you say "that's life",with this moments that put us on a hole.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know that somebody in Spain is reading this and sending you virtual comfort.Wish tomorrow will be another day for you. Much love.
Annika, don't worry about whether you are giving us anything. You are. No matter how often you do or don't update your blog, or how much you talk about your cats (really, who could ever tire of hearing about Biianka and Baryshnik? Not me, that's for sure!). There's nothing sad about you, no matter how sad you feel.
ReplyDeleteIf you have trouble falling asleep tonight, I recommend this blog with incredibly cute cat pictures to keep you company http://sisinmaru.blog17.fc2.com/
Just remembered this quote:
ReplyDelete"You know those days when you've got the mean reds.... the blues are because you're getting fat or maybe it's been raining too long. You're sad, that's all. But the mean reds are horrible. You're afraid and you sweat like hell, but you don't know what you're afraid of. Except something bad is going to happen, only you don't know what it is." Breakfast at Tiffany's
Tack för att du delar med dig. Många, varma kramar till dig. <3
ReplyDeletei wrote you an email. xx LOVE
ReplyDelete(PS. By not giving up you're actually still giving. Giving something. And that's the bravest and hardest thing to do. To keep going. And you are. emma)
ReplyDeleteVackra, vackra Annika, du är inte ensam. Dina texter berör, du uttrycker känslor som jag aldrig skulle ha modet att skriva om. Jag hoppas du mår bättre snart, du är fin och bra och snäll och betydelsefull och du får inte glömma bort det!
ReplyDeletePuss
You touched me.
ReplyDeleteAnnika, glöm aldrig att du aldrig någonsin kommer vara ensam! Vi finns alltid här, med dig genom allt. Stora kramar <3
ReplyDeleteAlla vi ensamma människor är tillsammans ganska många. Kram till dig, tack för att du delar med dig. / Josefine
ReplyDeleteI feel lucky to be one amongst your many friends; lucky that you share your wonderful words and photos with me from time to time, even though we have never met or gone for a walk together or talked about how amazing cats are. I wish that we could, and I hope that we may one day.
ReplyDeleteAll of this is just a not-very-eloquent way of saying that you are not as alone as you feel, and that I (along with everyone else here) ask nothing of you, don't expect you to give any more than you are able, and simply want you to be happy, whatever that may take and however long it may be in coming. xxx
My dearest Annika, how my heart reaches out to you <3
ReplyDeleteHur märkligt det än må låta, så värmde det väldigt mycket att läsa det här i natt.
ReplyDeleteDet värmer för en flicka som har knip i hjärtat och känner sig patetisk, att veta att det finns andra som känner likadant.
Tack Annika.
Och lycka till med att kämpa dig vidare
kram
Annika, I send You Love. Hope You will get better soon xXx
ReplyDeleteakisforkate.blogspot.com
from your 1st sentence i was gonna ask you if you were hormonal. that stuff can play total havoc on your emotions, as you know. so ready ok, hey we're here to do a get down or get up cheer so clap your hands, & dance with your cats, or watch cats dance or make silly videos of yourself dancing or really ugly cry or silly face photos. or do some really goth make-up that suits your mood perfectly. & if you don't write tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, we'll wait until you feel well enough to write again. because writing is who you are deep in your core blood veins. man i must be feeling halloween-y or something. luv
ReplyDeletewe all love you anika <3
ReplyDeleteYou break my heart. You're so open it's beautiful. I always dwell on losing someone close to me. I can't imagine it. I can't imagine the pain and sadness and hopelessness. But, I do know the feeling of being alone. No matter how many people I work with or become acquainted with, I still feel, at the end of the day, that I'm laying bed and the rest of the world is running away or just happening...without me. But, I don't think you should feel that way. I think you're an amazing person. And even though you're halfway across the world, I feel like I know you better than some of my friends here. You emanate so much of what makes us all human and it's real. That's what makes you different from many of the other girls on the blogosphere. I don't want you to be sad. I don't know what else to say...I'm not very good at giving advice.
ReplyDeleteBut if you're ever feeling this way again. Just vent here: yasmeen.fahmy@gmail.com I'll read and try to respond as best as I can...although it may not be very good. We love you.
Yasmeen
I want to let you know that you're most certainly not alone in feeling alone. I myself am sat alone in my dorm room, on a Saturday night while just about every other university student is out with their friends, because my two closest friend transferred to opposite ends of the country. I send my best wishes, and as far as I'm concerned, blogger friends are just as good as any other kind of friend. :)
ReplyDeleteBest,
Courtney
Wow, this was the most honest and heartbreaking thing I have ever read on a blog.....my sympathies.
ReplyDeleteI am a new follower, I found you through Zoey's blog. You are so gorgeous and have amazing style....and seem like such a genuine and real human being.
Chin up darling... :)
xo
Lizzie
placeclevertitlehere.blogspot.com
I was taught by one of my teachers that in order to be happy, we must endorse in suffering. I know, how can suffering be good right? But we must accept sadness, because thats how we learn to be happy. And we will.
ReplyDeleteSo be strong ok? <3
Annika, I only know you by what I've read on this blog, but I know that you having nothing to give is an absolutely preposterous thing to say. I mean, you've already given me something and you don't even know it! But because of you, I am striving to be a better writer. You inspire me so much. I want to be more like you. Every morning I wake up, take my shower, and I get on the computer as I eat my breakfast. And what's the one blog that I visit every morning before I go to school? This one. I want to read every word you write. I can tell you're a beautiful person, inside and out, just by what I've seen on this blog. You have so much to give, Annika. To people that have never even really met you. And I want to be a friend to you, I want to be there for you, as I'm sure everyone who faithfully reads this blogs wants to. You're amazing, Annika. If you ever stopped blogging, which is GIVING, you would leave so many people so sad, longing for more from you. You give something important every time you post. I honestly think I'm a better person ever since I started reading this blog. I don't know, maybe I'm being too open right now. But because of you, I feel like that's okay. Don't ever think for an instant that you're not important.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Em
OMG, Annika, I feel, I am your twin. I am so freaking lonely I almost think there's no point in my days and I just want to cry all day and not go to work or get out of my house, food makes me nauseous. My husband is gone for some uncertain time for his job. And the only thing I want to talk about is my cat! How pretty and soft and comforting he is, and how he plays with my blanket in the morning or comes and curls with me and purrs forever. Sorry to hear you are going through all this, I do hope you feel better. But unfortunately I have no advice for you, cuz I am so lost myself. I think cat pictures it is! They always make me feel better. I'll upload some of my cat if you wanna stop by, he is very funny))
ReplyDeleteLove, Rita
http://adollwithoutstyle.blogspot.com/
Hey Annika! I think whenever moodswings and ugly thoughts come about, we should just remember how we felt when we were at a happier state. The memories you had with Fanny should make you smile. Smile because it happened.:D and you can only honor her by doing what she would want you to do: pick yourself up when you're distressed!
ReplyDeleteMourning is absolutely necessary but sometimes, you've to remember that all things do end. So just because something is over, doesn't mean everything is over. Please pick yourself up and smile. Fanny, wherever she is, should be so proud of you. You have to let yourself realize that it's ok to feel this way and that thing will get better.
Problems have a way of solving themselves. I guess it's like magic. Haha.
Love,XOXo, inirep
If you want I can be your friend :) I understand how are you feeling right now. I had a time in my life when I felt lonely so so much and had noone to talk to or even laugh with... It was the worst time in my life. I was always depressed and upset. But I'm glad it's over. My family really helped me and now I'm enjoying my life. You should do the same thing! Stop watching TV, just call your boyfriend and say you miss him. And maybe there are some people around you who feel the same as you feel? I am very sorry for your best friend... It's so sad, I have no words to tell you how sorry I am for her :(
ReplyDeleteI hope you will get better soon! Don't worry, you have US!♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ millions of hearts!
Don't ever put yourself down and say that your feelings are pathetic. They are not. You're so brave to put yourself out there like this, and brave people are not pathetic people.
ReplyDeleteRemember that you're beautiful, inside and out. And you're not the only crazy cat lady in the blogosphere. ;-)
Now, come enter my giveaway.
Goodwill Huntingg
Jag uppskattar verkligen att du är ärlig, men samtidigt krossar det mitt hjärta lite grann att du bär på så mycket smärta. Vissa saker tar lång tid på sig innan de slutar göra ont, vissa saker slutar aldrig göra ont, men smärta är en del av livet och med tiden kan man lära sig att leva med den. Det finns så mycket glädje kvar att uppleva, också.
ReplyDeleteJag hoppas innerligt att du mår bättre idag. Ta hand om dig!
you are a unique and beautiful girl, your boyfriend is very lucky! you may have to do anything you want, do not you ever forget!!!ciao bellissima...
ReplyDeleteNu gråter jag. Annika, du är INTE ensam! Massa massa KÄRLEK! <3
ReplyDelete<3
ReplyDeletedu är stark, du klarar det! du behöver inte posta bilder, eller ena blogga varje dag, jag tror inte du tappar läsare för du är underbar och ditt skrivande berör!
ReplyDeleteFina Annika!
ReplyDeleteJag har följt din blogg länge, länge, och du är en sann källa till inspiration. Du ger hopp och styrka.
Jag ser dig, och trots allt du går igenom är du en vacker, stark person och du klarar det. Och det ger mig tro att även jag gör det.
Blev aningens smörigt det här, men så är det ibland. Du skall i alla fall veta att det kom från hjärtat.
Tack för att du delar med dig!
Fina fina fina Annika! känner igen ensamheten. den tär och ibland tar den över så pass att man inte kan göra annat än att vara i den. tack att du delar den med oss andra ensamma..
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing and one of a few people I really admire. I'll cross my fingers that the operation will go well! Thanks for being you and making my life a bite easier to live!
ReplyDeleteHey darling! I think this is my first comment on your blog, but I just have to tell you, that you really touched my heart! You are such a beautiful woman, not just outside, but your soul.. your soul is pure and beautiful.. I`m reading your blog every single day and every words you write means so much to me.. sometimes i fell just like you do, but than comes tomorrow, a new day, and all gets better..hope u will feel better too!
ReplyDeleteLove, Lola
This breaks my heart into tiny tiny little pieces. How can someone as beautiful, talented and sweet as you are, feel so lonely and depressed? You're so valuable. And you know what? You can make my life much more happier. If I'm in a bad mood, I surf trough your previous posts,and the photos of your cats, or your house, and the sweet words you write always cheer me up. You're not lonely, because we're here.
ReplyDeleteI literally cried my eyes out when I read this post. My grandpa just passed away, and we had his funeral yesterday... well, it was the same as your darling's. People crying so hard we couldn't here the priest. He died from cancer, too. And I know I should tell myself, it's okay, it's better for him this way, but I just can't. I'm too selfish and the only thing I can think about is the fact that he's not here for me anymore. It's terrible. Even worse.
But we can get trough it. Even if you don't fell so, you're one of the strongest women I've ever known.
I send you lots and lots and lots of love from Hungary, I hope the operation will go well. And here's a Hungarian song to comfort you - it's a cover, but I think it's beautiful:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7caYserNK68
Tons of hugs, Lilia
Things have to get worse before they get better. There will always be good days and bad days. Live life a day at a time. Tomorrow you might be feeling otherwise. We're not here to tell you how silly you are, we're here to let you know that we're here for you. Even when a friend is physically gone, it doesn't mean they are erased off of the earth and if you felt like you couldn't keep us all as friends, you had at one time and it was better than nothing <3 you aren't alone in all of this
ReplyDeleteI want to wrap you up and keep you safe, lovely girl.
ReplyDeleteI know how sometimes no words can take away the pain and emotions you're going through, however, keep in mind that sometimes there are some factors we can change to make it at least a tiny bit better. I hope posting this was such a factor and receiving all the lovely messages from your friends was such a factor and what i wanted to say also, is, that physical loneliness has also an impact on how lonely we feel inside. Hence, you're all alone there, with the cats, yes and I know how important their presence might be, however we are just people, social creatures and we need to communicate. We need to see other people smiling, talking to us, being interested into our personality and trusting us, putting their hand on our shoulder and so on. I often make the mistake to stay away from people for days, especially during weekends, I don't pick up calls from my family, I don't contact any friends to go out with me because I feel like noone could really relate. Then sometimes, someone still could surprise you, if you just gave it a go. Sometimes it is worth to ask somebody to come over for a movie and tea or go with you for a walk or help you with shopping for new winter shoes you might need. Sometimes it is already worth to go to buy some cake and have a lovely small talk with the saleslady. If one sentence made you smile for a second, it would be alrady worth it. You don't have to be alone just because your one and only soulmate is in such a far place where you can't communicate with each other anymore. And especially you don't have to be of any use to somebody. Darling, Annika! We are people, we are not things. Things are supposed to be used! We are supposed to be just there, to be us, to love, to be together.
ReplyDeleteNow I wrote a mess without any golden thread in it, sorry. I just like you a lot, you know. :)
Get well soon, I'm thinking of you. Now and especially in ten days. I'm somehow sure everything will work out fine.
Some Fine Night, The Doors Will Be Broken Open And There I’ll Be.
ReplyDeleteThe Universe Conspiracy.
Sharing Is The Most Precious Gift Of All.
Saying.
We Are Not Alone.
To Be Or Not To Be - Is The Question.
You Are BeautifuLONE - You Are.
Why Does Pain Hurt ?
Ahhhh.
I Know. I Know.
And Besides From Being A Friend. A Human Being. A Woman. On The Road Less Travelled.
I Have Been Working At The Conseling Office At The Women Clinic During Many Years.
In All The Colors In And Within.
The Fall.
And Spring.
I Am Here.
With All My Heart, Soul And Spirit.
Sharing.
WhenEver. WhereEver.
You Are In My Thoughts,
PussOchKramOchKärlek.
Rebekkah X
http://rebekkahslife.wordpress.com/
P.S
ReplyDeleteI Love You X.
I wish I was as good with words as you are, maybe when I feel that I have improved, I will start a blog, as you have been a real inspiration to me.
ReplyDeleteYour message to Fanny actually brought tears to my eyes, and I don't even know either of you.
Just remember, your life is a gift, even if it doesn't always feel like it xx
Yes, we are your friends and you can tell us anything you want. Goosh you are very special person and I regret that I can't meet you, become your friend and help you :(. Be hard! I've got also a lot of problems, that maybe in other person's point are not the problems, but it doesn't matter. I can find in your charcter a lot of features match to my character. Kisses!
ReplyDeleteI'll echo alot of the sentiments written here...while I can't tell you to not be lonely (I struggle with it myself from time to time), I can tell you that there's nothing corny about reaching out for love, even if it's to strangers on the internet. I just came from home a 10 hour day yesterday saying goodbye to a dear friend of mine who died unexpectedly. We do them honour by keeping their memory alive, but we have to remember we have our own life to live as well. They'd want us to be happy and use our gifts and love to raise up other people. You DO do that with your blog. It's inspirational, both in the outfits (for the of us who can't put together an outfit to save our lives!) to the gut-wrenchingly honest journals you write. I'd really love to give you a hug if I could, but alas I'm a wee bit far away. Know that there are people out there who love you and who think you're amazing.
ReplyDeleteAhh, this might sound silly, but maybe you could bring Fanny back by writing a book with a character like her? Thought I wonder if that would help, I'm always at lost when I want to lift somebody's spirits. Because I can't say that I understand what you're feeling, I won't until I experience the same things as you did. Sure, my grandparents died and it was really sad, but it was long time ago and I managed to go on with my life. I'll end my comment here, as I don't want to write eventual nonsense.
ReplyDeleteRemember that there's always someone who thinks about you ♥
"However sad that might sound." ? I think we're all happy, that you think of us this way. Although I wish you wouldn't feel so alone. But at least: we're staying here. period.
ReplyDeleteJesus loves you, Annika!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I feel actually so identified with this post, girl. I discovered you on lookbook and that led me to your fantastic blog. I think you have expressed in words the way I feel probably better than I would. What should be do?
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your friend, it's so sad hearing from it...
I hope you keep on with this great work and expressing yourself as great as you do :-) I'm your fan now.
P.S I don't know if my english is too correct, I'm spanish and it's quite hard to express in a language different to mine.
Paula
åh, tycker det är så skönt när människor talar ut när de är ledsna. Det borde du aldrig skämmas för. Du är så modig som vågar visa dina svaga sidor.
ReplyDeleteÄr också ensam mycket så jag vet hur du känner.
en stor bamsekram
sanna.
Even though I'm ten years younger than you, and am no where near as cool or talented as you. I feel so proud of you. Despite the fact that you feel like crap, you're mortified by what's happening to you and you're finding it hard, you still manage to get up pretty much every day and post on your blog. I admire your loyalty to your readers, and how you're so open with them.So really you're like a hero to me, there are days where i feel so poo i won't even open my eyes to come out the covers. Yet you find the strength to open your laptop, write down your thoughts and click post. Your readers love you Annika, never ever forget that. I hope you feel better really soon, and good luck with your surgery. No one deserves to feel like this, least of all you.
ReplyDeleteGeorgiaxxx
you're not nothing but a sad, lonely girl. you're also intelligent, beautiful, have humour and are good at listening to people (that's my impression anyway.) I get the feeling that you kond of feel lika a fraud because you're not always that exciting, independent girl, but you don't have to. You don't always have to have something to give, the thing with friends are that they want to be there for you and support you during the bad times as well, especially then. And annika, it's ok to feel like this in the day a year after it happened, and all other days as well.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's not sad that you feel less lonely due to your blog or that you consider us your friends, it's beautiful to me.
Anyways, my thoughts go to you. Kram!
How're you feeling today? <3 emma
ReplyDelete<3
ReplyDeleteAll those things are part of our life. Just accept and never be ashamed or desperate of WHO you are ! You are true, and this kind of personality is so so so so rare in our wolrd ... You're allowed to be down. You're allowed of everything, it's your life. Just be brave, and true ! Just continu everything you do and everything you are ;) xoxo
ReplyDeleteAnnika, I don't really know what to say since I don't know you that well. However, ur posts are so sincere and profound that as ur reader for some months now, I think I can say I already know a thing or two about u. I love ur blog precisely due to ur sincerity. I first started to read it due to ur outfits (btw, I think ur gorgeous and I love not only ur style but also ur photographer skills!), I was not expecting to be amazed like I was! I follow some fashion blogs and I thought that this would be just one more, but I found out that it wasn't a fashion blog like the zillions of others that are out there, it was a blog of a person that apparently loved fashion, yes, but also photography and specially to write.
ReplyDeleteI think it is great that u share ur thoughts with all of us who what to read them. I don't know if u realize how much courage one has to have for that!! It's really simple for me to understand since I don't have a blog and I think I wouldn't have the courage to expose me like u do. I just keep the thoughts to myself or talk to friends and end up regretting almost every time since no one wants to listen to my stupid crap, people don't want to listen, they have problems of their own and we are all selfish creatures, that's the ugly truth.
So...many friends that are there everyday, or some days, often don't want to listen, don't care, they did not ask u to talk. Ur readers, on the contrary, are here cuz they WANT to read, they like u in some sort of way and want to give u strength as they can!
I really believe that anyone can make a difference, whether if u know her/him in person or not. Hope we are all doing something for u, I really do :)
Don't give up on ur blog if u like to write it, believe it or not u are inspiring people and that as tons of value.
xo,
Inês
(inestxra@gmail.com)
Annika you seem to be such a good-hearted person it's heart-wrenching to see you devastated. but i cannot advise you on how to deal with your friend's death. as a spiritualist i only know we're all gonna meet our beloved ones in due time. but it's always hard to come to terms with such a loss. but over time the pain won't be so severe.
ReplyDeletei'm really sorry you have to stay apart from your boyfriend in this lousy time. call him and tell him how you feel. you certainly don't want to put him down but i think it could soothe your pain a bit. it's great though you decided to share your worries with us. we're here to listen <3
and what about watching some feel good movie now? some frank capra comedy would be highly advisable.
you're great girl. don't even say you have nothing to write about. yours is the only blog i've encountered that besides splendid pictures has some genuine content.
you're great and deserve all the best in life!
<3<3<3<3
Jag älskar dig för att du skrev att du är min vän, det är så patetisk jag är.
ReplyDeleteKära Annika, tack för att du finns och skriver och fotar så vackert. Är ledsen för din skull men du ska veta att jag följt dig flera år och ser dig, känner din smärta... har inte kommenterat mkt och tror aldrig på din nya blogg. Men nu kände jag att det var dags. Du känns så äkta och oförfalskad, modig och öppen med din svaghet. DET är äkta styrka. Sköt om dig! Kram!
ReplyDeletefirst, I watch grey's anatomy all the time...there was a point of time in my life where I watched that show every single day, like religiously and idk why i'm telling you this but anyway i love that show and in a weird way it kinda helps...secondly, i know how you feel..i live in texas and my fiance lives in florida we're seperated constantly, right now we're apart and the next time i'll see him is in 2 weeks..it's hard, really really hard...my roommate has a boyfriend who she's with all the time and i'm trully happy for her but it kinda leaves me alone a lot...it's hard and like i've said i understand but what helps me is just to learn to be okay by yourself...like find something that you love to do, for example i love singing (idk if im any good but i love it) and in a way i kinda enjoy being by myself cuz i can sing as loud as i want in my house lol. sry for how ridiculous this sounds but also know that it's okay to sometimes feel down and please know that your not alone in that, it may feel like it but your not...i hope this is helping :)
ReplyDeleteand i'm so sorry about your friend she sounds perfectly lovely :) i'll never understand why people get taken away from us...but i believe that things happen for a reason rather we like it or not...and i love what you wrote about her and that you'll never forget her...i think that's really important to never forget how that person impacted your life...and this is about to be really cheezyy but anywayyy if your forget someone then they become forgotton and it's almost as if they never existed which (in my opinon) is more trajic than them being taken away...so (i know you'll do this) hold on to those beautiful memories...
i hope you feel better! :)
Stor kram till dig Annika! Du kommer greja detta och förr eller senare blir allt sakta sakta bättre.
ReplyDeleteVi finns här alltid!
ReplyDeleteKänner igen mig så mycket, speciellt det där med att inte vilja gå och lägga sig själv när ens pojkvän är borta. Ligger också i soffan med lampor tända i alla rum och jag orkar inte vara själv med tankarna. Har också svårt att hålla kontakten också, känns som alla har sitt och man är ivägen.. speciellt när man haft en dålig period och inte orkat svara i telefonen känns det bara dumt att ringa en dag och låtsas som om ingenting. Vi är nog många som känner oss ensamma, alla är inte med sina bästa vänner varje kväll och nästa gång det känns som värst så tänk att nånstans finns en annan ensam tjej som tänker på dig och önskar att du snart ska finna lycka<3
ReplyDeleteDu är så bra på att beskriva hur vi alla känner oss ibland, då man bara vill försvinna för att allt känns tungt, menlöst och oövervinneligt. Undrar om vi i Sverige är ensammast i världen? Kram på dig./Karin
ReplyDeleteEn stor kram till dig Annika!
ReplyDeleteAnnika..kramar till dig i massor. Fastän jag inte känner dig annat än genom denna fantastiska blogg, genom dina texter, så skriver och beskriver du så starkt och innerligt. Så målande. Man verkligen känner dina känslor...fast ändå inte för det är ju dina känslor som bara du upplever.
ReplyDeleteDet känns på något konstigt lustigt sätt som om jag känner dig litegrann iallafall.
Du är min vän på något mysko vis. KRAM!