On July 1st, I got the keys to my new office. In six weeks, it had gone from this...
...to this:
I thought we'd check out what it looks like today!
The furniture is a mis-matched mixture of stuff I brought over from our house and things from Ronnie's last office and his old apartment - all I bought new was the cheapest desk they had at IKEA. I still haven't gotten around to hang the mirror, the giant picture of Manhattan and all of my posters up on the walls, and you can't exactly accuse it of being too cozy, but I love it. Every time I sit down at that desk, I get things done. Without anxiety, without pressure, without sweaty palms or a racing heart.
The rent is too expensive, considering what I earn at the moment, but I've chosen to deal with that. It's an investment in myself: in my future career as well as in my mental and physical health. It's a reason to leave the house, and it gives me a much needed taste of what my life can - and will - be like the day that I'm strong enough to have normal work days, a pace more suited to the rest of the world. It makes me hope and strive for a time when I won't lay awake all night gasping for air, when headaches will be the exception instead of the norm, when I won't be paralyzed by grief, depression and despair. When I won't constantly be so tired that it feels like I'm sleepwalking through life. A time when I'll be well.
Today I'm back at the office, back to work, back in business! I have such a wonderful feeling inside, I don't know, its like that "today is the first day of the rest of your life" cliché has taken over my brain, filling me up with silly optimism. That's rare for me, to say the least, so I'm doing my best to savor it!
I mean... I started the work day by making a to do-list, the way I always do, and I'm actually crossing things off of it. I'm Getting Things Done! Few things are more satisfying to me than that feeling.
Before going home tonight, I'm heading to the gym to work out. That's quite the big deal for me, and an important part in my Project this fall: the Project to Turn Myself into a Happier and Healthier Person.
What I need to do to make this happen:
* Stress less. I've quit many of my job assignments, to go back to school (I'm taking a course in Creative Writing at the university - the first real class is tomorrow!) and to focus of my own writing projects. Now it's up to me to find a balance between work, school and my own writing (and the blog, of course!) that doesn't make me walk around with that constant and unsettling feeling of almost not making it. I have a habit of taking on more and more things until I simply can't take it anymore and get very, very sick for a long time. That's my body's way of letting me know that I've gone too far and that it's refusing to cooperating with me if I'm not going to treat it right. But that's not going to happen this fall. I won't let it. Health has to come first.
* Don't skip meals (and no, brownies does NOT count as a meal). I have terrible problems eating by myself, which means that when I'm alone, I basically live off of cookies, icecream, sandwiches and candy (oh, and breakfast, I always eat breakfast). Well, this stupidity is going to stop. Right now. I'm aware that I will get sick if I don't provide my poor body with the right nutrition, and from now on, I'm going to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, and these meals are going to consist of food. The dishes can be extremely simple - I'm not expecting to become a contestant in Top Chef - as long as they fall into the category "normal food". (Note: this has nothing to do with losing weight. The opposite, actually. I'm sure I would feel better in every way if I managed to gain a few pounds.)
* Become much more active. The horrible truth is that I basically never move. At all. I walk down to the car, I get in, I drive where I'm going, I get out. Then I get back in the car, drive home, walk the 10 seconds back to the house. I tell myself I need to go for walks, and I do. About twice a month. Now, my plan is to go to yoga once a week - I love yoga, and the studio is located in the same house as my office, to I have no excuse not to go! - go to the gym once a week, and try to take a walk once a week. More than that and I know I'll just feel like it's too much and go back to doing nothing. Baby steps, you know. Again: I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm tired of having constant back pains, of panting and wheezing like I've just run a marathon every time I have to climb a flight of stairs, of having no energy whatsoever. I'm still young and I shouldn't allow my body to become that of an old woman.
* Seizing the day. Yeah, yeah, the World Championship of Clichés is being held right here in this post, I know. But come on, give me a break. We could all benefit from trying harder to appreciate all the good things in our lives, to be grateful for what we've got. I will never, ever stop grieving what I've lost, but all I can do is whatever I can to keep it from ruining my life. Giving up and drowning is my sorrows is not what Fanny would have wanted, and it's definitely not what I want for myself. There's beauty all around and I will try my best to see it, even if it means I'll have to staple my lids to my brows to keep my eyes open.
In the last issue of Sofis mode, I have a column that was actually inspired by this post. I know, it sounds so conceited to say that I was "inspired" by one of my own blog posts - of course that's not what I mean. I just got the idea for the column when I was writing that specific post, that's all.
And for the blogger feature, I had the pleasure of interviewing the adorable Kani Cao of K is for Kani! She is such a sweet and clever girl, and her style is the perfect mix between sophisticated vintage and young, fresh, colorful and trendy. If you haven't yet checked out her blog, you most definitely should!
NOTE: THIS IS NOT ME SINGING! I LOVE SINGING, I JUST CAN'T DO IT. OR, OF COURSE I CAN. IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE CRAP.
Let's end this post with a video of my dear, dear friend Zoey of MakeShiftModelsinging a beautiful song with her mindblowingly angelic voice. Yeah, I am blown away by the fact that one person can be so full of amazing talents (and be incredibly stunning on top of it all), and my heart is simply overflowing with love and admiration for her! And just thinking that I would never have had the opportunity to get to know Zoey if I hadn't started this blog... "Meeting" all of you amazing people online these past three months are by far the best thing that's happened to me in a long, long time.
Dark grey, wide, high waisted skirt and black shoes, H&M. Cropped flower print tie-up shirt, Asos.com.
White lace trim socks, Lindex.
Didn't I tell you I was going to wear a Mad Men-inspired outfit to the office yesterday? Didn't I? I do think I did! :)
As always when I'm inspired by a particular look, I don't see it as if I'm going to a costume party dressed as someone else - I try my best to pick out elements from that look and then put my own spin on it. If I don't feel like myself, I've done something wrong.
Here, I suppose I was going for a groomed, put-together, proper yet sassy vibe. The paradox of the 1960's working woman: flirtatious versus professional, vain versus competent, fashionable versus respected. I'm not sure how well I succeeded at that, but I did feel extremely swellall day long! And that was the main goal. So, I dare say: mission accomplished.
Black faux leather shorts, Gina Tricot. Nude (and very wrinkled) oversized t-shirt, H&M. Black bowler hat, Monki. White knitted socks, Lindex. Black army boots, Nilson.
I had this idea that for my first real work day at my new office, I would be super serious and wear an outfit that just screams "look at me, I'm working in an OFFICE!". Like something out of Mad Men - or, at least, Wall Street. Well... that didn't happen. You see, when I started getting dressed yesterday, I came to the conclusion that I don't even own any proper office clothing. Or, if I do, they're still hidden away in the moving boxes I have yet to unpack. (Come on, I've only lived in this house for a year and a half... give a girl a break! I will get to it!) ;)
So, instead, I spent my first day at the new office dressed like I'd gotten lost while going to a music festival. Not that it mattered - I didn't meet one single person in the building, so as far as anyone knows, I could have walked around looking like a Joan Holloway clone... Without the hair, the cigarettes and those incredibly sexy curves, that is. I did get the lipstick right, though! Come to think of it, she might not wear red lipstick that often. Well, she should. It would go perfectly with her look. Yeah, I think the Mad Men crew should absolutely use me as a beauty consult. Hello, Mad Men crew! I'm available! And I have so much great advice to contribute with - I'll tell every single actress in the show she should use even more red lipstick. And maybe some for Don Draper as well. Mix it up a bit.
Okay, I'm rambling, I know. I tend to do that. But at least I've now convinced myself I should wear a Mad Men-inspired outfit tomorrow! Who cares if I don't meet a living soul in the office building tomorrow either - at least I'll be sitting at my desk knowing I look swell. (Why don't people use the word swell more often? I'd say it's a remarkable word. Absolutely swell, actually.)
Black bathing suit, Åhléns. Cropped black jacket, H&M. Blue denim cut-offs, Acne. Grey over knee socks, Asos.com. Black army boots, Vagabond.
In case you're wondering why the quality of these photos are so low, all I can say is: you should see the originals! I'm amazed that I got any photos at all - me and Ronnie got back from dinner at midnight, and it was almost completely dark outside when I took these. When I saw them through the camera display, I thought "allright, so, no photos today then". But I still gave it a shot in Photoshop, increasing the brightness with a couple of 1000 percents (seriously, something like that) and... well, this is what I got. It's a crappy outfit post, but still, it's an outfit post! A little indulgence, please, lovelies? Pleeease? :)
Not much to say about the clothes. Except maybe that this was the first time I decided to wear a bathing suit as a top. I wanted to wear it since it hast this great low backline - but I didn't get a photo of it, so you'll have to take my word for it, haha.
Oh, I'm in my new office! Yesterday was spent at Ikea and now here I am, screwdriver in hand, putting together the most important pieces of furniture for my first workday tomorrow. So excited! So far I have a desk, a chair, a lamp and a side table. And a carpet, but I didn't need the screwdriver for that. ;)
What I don't have here is an internet connection. I'm thinking I might not install one either - my plan is to finally give my first novel a real shot, and in my experience it's not the best idea to be able to go online when you write fiction. It's just way too easy to lose focus. Right now I've connected my MacBook to my iPhone, and maybe I'll just do that in the future, too. Considering how slow the connection is, there's no risk of me surfing the net for enjoyment (who can stand waiting two minutes for a page to load?!).
I feel like such a handy (wo)man with all my tools. Actually, I'm quite the pro when it comes to putting Ikea furniture together. (And very humble about it, too, huh?) When we moved into the house, we bought everything from Ikea (very original, I know), and because Ronnie was making a movie in another city at the time, I fixed all of the furniture myself. It took me a couple of weeks, but I did it! Beds, bookshelves, drawers, tables, chairs, closets, desks, todo. Umm... speaking of my excellence, I just realized the legs of my desk are uneven. Eh. Better redo it before I get punsihed by the higher powers for my lack of humility!
