I know I felt like this before, but now I’m feeling it even more.

Red Union Jack knitted sweater, Romwe. Navy blazer, black pants and bowler hat, Monki. White patent leather boots, Doc Martens. Lipstick, "British Red" by L'Oréal.

(Photos by me.)

It seems that every time I put on an outfit, I subconsciously decide that there's a specific pose that goes with it. Last time, it was this one; now we have a new outfit and obviously a new, ehmmm, "pose of the day":

I have no idea I'm doing the same poses until I look through the photos in the computer, and though I've made a zillion different ones, the pose of the day-photos are always the ones that look the best. Weird.

Don't know how much there is to say about this outfit, except that I adore this sweater from Romwe. Warm, cozy knitted sweaters and cardigans definitely are the most important pieces in my wardrobe these chilly seasons, especially since I'm not a huge fan of heavy winter jackets - and the bolder the prints, the better! It's so easy for me to fall into the whole black-and-grey-from-head-to-toe rut, and I'm grateful for every pop of color I can fit into my outfits.

Last night, I felt possibly even more down than usual and didn't really feel like doing anything at all. But Ronnie insisted we should drive into town and go see a movie, and since we won't see eachother for a few days - he's now at a literary festival in Norway - I agreed. And I'm so glad I did! We ended up seeing not one movie but two, having greasy hamburgers for dinner in between, and I had such a wonderful time. It made me realize we should absolutely go on dates more often! It's probably even more important right now, when I'm not in the best place, to say the least. Leaving the house seems like such a hassle, so it was great to be reminded that if I force myself to get out there and do stuff, it doesn't have to be that bad. Or bad at all.

At the moment I'm pretty stressed out, with loads of things to get done and simply not enough time. But I try to tell myself that come on, I've been in this situation countless times before, and I've always managed to get it together in the end. (And I do my best not to remember the fact that no, it's not true, there have been times when I've pushed myself too hard for too long and been this close to ruining everything.)

In my dreams last night, someone gave me a horse. My own horse! Coincidentally, we happened to have a stable here in our yard - how neat is that? Gosh, I was so excited about this horse, you have no idea.

Then, the dream shifted, turned into something completely different. Weeks passed by in this dream, maybe months; the details are not important, but suddenly, right before I woke up, I realized it wasn't another dream at all. It had been the same one all along. And that beautiful chestnut horse had been left alone, no food or water, for ages.

Someone gave me my first own horse and I neglected it. I forgot about it and I killed it. I'm the Horse Slayer for cryin' out loud!

I can't even tell you how many times I've had dreams similar to this one. (If it's not a horse, it's a baby. Let's just say the baby dreams are a lot worse.) You don't exactly have to be a psychologist or professional dream-reader to figure out what it means. Basically, I take on more than I can handle, and I'm terrified I'm going to lose control. Destroy everything. That it will all crumble around me like a poorly built house of cards.

Well, there's only one thing to do: keep making lists, keep crossing things off those lists. One by one.

And, oh - if any of you remember giving me a horse, please remind me, okay? I have a tendency to forget these things. Apparently.

PS. This is the last time I'll beg for you to vote for me in the 2011 Blog Awards - tomorrow the results will be in! Since one of my competitors have about ten times as many readers as I do, I'm very busy practicing my "slightly disappointed but still dignified" smile. Though I can't say I wouldn't absolutely love if I didn't have to use it! :) DS.