Let's get to work.

I want to start this day by saying THANK YOU to Gloss Magazine for this gorgeous feature in their October issue!

Now I'm going to drive into Stockholm for a photo shoot - to stand behind the camera, that is, not in front of it. My boyfriend has been teasing me about the fact that my niche as a photographer is more than a little narrow at the moment, considering the only person I've been paid to photograph lately is... my own mother. (Not a bad niche, though - we've shot three book covers, a few dozen press photos and a bunch of magazine features!)

Anyway, now he needs to shut up, because today I'm shooting press pictures for, ehm, my mother's best friend! She is also an author, she's releasing a new book soon and needs new photos to go with it. I'm a little bit nervous - what if she's not happy with the result? What if it turns out I actually suck at this kind of photography, that the only people I'm good at shooting are my mom and myself? Well, we will soon find out. And I might be nervous, but at the same time I'm pretty confident - she is a beautiful woman, what could go wrong? As long as I don't leave my camera at home or forget to remove the lens cover, we should be fine! (Hopefully I will notice if all the photos contain nothing but black squares.) :)

I'll talk to you again tonight - keep your fingers crossed I don't mess up today!

Back at the office!

Today I'm back at the office, back to work, back in business! I have such a wonderful feeling inside, I don't know, its like that "today is the first day of the rest of your life" cliché has taken over my brain, filling me up with silly optimism. That's rare for me, to say the least, so I'm doing my best to savor it!

I mean... I started the work day by making a to do-list, the way I always do, and I'm actually crossing things off of it. I'm Getting Things Done! Few things are more satisfying to me than that feeling.

Before going home tonight, I'm heading to the gym to work out. That's quite the big deal for me, and an important part in my Project this fall: the Project to Turn Myself into a Happier and Healthier Person.

What I need to do to make this happen:

* Stress less. I've quit many of my job assignments, to go back to school (I'm taking a course in Creative Writing at the university - the first real class is tomorrow!) and to focus of my own writing projects. Now it's up to me to find a balance between work, school and my own writing (and the blog, of course!) that doesn't make me walk around with that constant and unsettling feeling of almost not making it. I have a habit of taking on more and more things until I simply can't take it anymore and get very, very sick for a long time. That's my body's way of letting me know that I've gone too far and that it's refusing to cooperating with me if I'm not going to treat it right. But that's not going to happen this fall. I won't let it. Health has to come first.


* Don't skip meals (and no, brownies does NOT count as a meal). I have terrible problems eating by myself, which means that when I'm alone, I basically live off of cookies, icecream, sandwiches and candy (oh, and breakfast, I always eat breakfast). Well, this stupidity is going to stop. Right now. I'm aware that I will get sick if I don't provide my poor body with the right nutrition, and from now on, I'm going to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, and these meals are going to consist of food. The dishes can be extremely simple - I'm not expecting to become a contestant in Top Chef - as long as they fall into the category "normal food". (Note: this has nothing to do with losing weight. The opposite, actually. I'm sure I would feel better in every way if I managed to gain a few pounds.)

* Become much more active. The horrible truth is that I basically never move. At all. I walk down to the car, I get in, I drive where I'm going, I get out. Then I get back in the car, drive home, walk the 10 seconds back to the house. I tell myself I need to go for walks, and I do. About twice a month. Now, my plan is to go to yoga once a week - I love yoga, and the studio is located in the same house as my office, to I have no excuse not to go! - go to the gym once a week, and try to take a walk once a week. More than that and I know I'll just feel like it's too much and go back to doing nothing. Baby steps, you know. Again: I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm tired of having constant back pains, of panting and wheezing like I've just run a marathon every time I have to climb a flight of stairs, of having no energy whatsoever. I'm still young and I shouldn't allow my body to become that of an old woman.

* Seizing the day. Yeah, yeah, the World Championship of Clichés is being held right here in this post, I know. But come on, give me a break. We could all benefit from trying harder to appreciate all the good things in our lives, to be grateful for what we've got. I will never, ever stop grieving what I've lost, but all I can do is whatever I can to keep it from ruining my life. Giving up and drowning is my sorrows is not what Fanny would have wanted, and it's definitely not what I want for myself. There's beauty all around and I will try my best to see it, even if it means I'll have to staple my lids to my brows to keep my eyes open.

In the last issue of Sofis mode, I have a column that was actually inspired by this post. I know, it sounds so conceited to say that I was "inspired" by one of my own blog posts - of course that's not what I mean. I just got the idea for the column when I was writing that specific post, that's all.

And for the blogger feature, I had the pleasure of interviewing the adorable Kani Cao of K is for Kani! She is such a sweet and clever girl, and her style is the perfect mix between sophisticated vintage and young, fresh, colorful and trendy. If you haven't yet checked out her blog, you most definitely should!

NOTE: THIS IS NOT ME SINGING! I LOVE SINGING, I JUST CAN'T DO IT. OR, OF COURSE I CAN. IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE CRAP. 

Let's end this post with a video of my dear, dear friend Zoey of MakeShiftModel singing a beautiful song with her mindblowingly angelic voice. Yeah, I am blown away by the fact that one person can be so full of amazing talents (and be incredibly stunning on top of it all), and my heart is simply overflowing with love and admiration for her! And just thinking that I would never have had the opportunity to get to know Zoey if I hadn't started this blog... "Meeting" all of you amazing people online these past three months are by far the best thing that's happened to me in a long, long time.

Now: lunch!

And one morning, he did open his eyes. He did see. I just wasn’t the one he saw.

It's 4 pm and I still haven't left our tiny Upper East Side apartment. It doesn't matter if I'm at home, in my office, in Paris, Barbados or New York - Monday means workday. Being a freelance writer sure has it ups and downs: a gigantic "up" is that I can work from anywhere in the world, a pretty big "down" is that there's no such thing as a vacation in my job description. Yeah, "freelance" sure is a sneaky word - I'm free to go wherever I please, but I'm never... free. Though obviously, the ups certainly overrides the downs.

At the moment I'm writing a blogger's travel guide to Amsterdam, a city I've never been to, but after reading all of Sabrina's best tips I so want to go! I always get that feeling while writing these city guides - I also desperately want to go to Dublin, Prague, Vienna and all the other places I've featured in Sofis mode. But I know I shouldn't complain, and I don't - I'm more than excited that I'm finally, finally here in New York City. I'd better get a move on with this article so I can get out of this apartment before I gets dark!

Last week, I wrote a guest blog post for Maria Elyse of First Impressions. I hope all of you will check out her blog - not only is she an adorable and intelligent girl with amazing style, at the moment she's engaged tons of interesting guest bloggers while she's away on camp. Could be a great opportunity to discover your new favorite blogs, right?

Since I want According to Annika to be a place where I gather and showcase my writing, I thought I'd share my guest blogger story with you here as well. I hope you all like it! (And oh, someone asked me if this really happened. I guess when I call it a "story" it might sound like I made it up. Well, I didn't. All of my columns are stories from my life, as true as they can be without me exploiting other people who never asked to be a part of them.)

I was his best friend and he was mine.

Late every night we took turns calling each other, and we never hung up. Literally. All through the night we talked and talked, whispering conversations under the covers, sixteen blocks between us. Our whispers only fell silent when we were both asleep, the plastic receivers still pressed tightly against our cheeks.

Then he would come strolling into the classroom the next morning, tangled hair and slighty puffy eyes, always ten minutes late. A quick glance in my direction, a hint of a smile.

I didn’t mind that he sat down at a desk across the room, even though the seat next to mine was free. Not at all. I still knew: I was the reason he was late. He’s opted out of sleep to listen to my voice, my thoughts, me.

Months passed by and the nightly conversations continued. Autumn became winter and we never ran out of topics. Of course we didn’t – we could talk about everything.

Well. Almost everything.

All except how it felt to sit on his bed, listening to him play his latest composition on the piano, barely able to make out the melody over the sound of my own heartbeats. How I always accepted more bitter instant coffee, only so I could have the chance to swiftly brush my fingertips against his as he handed the cup over.

I never mentioned the dreams.

Instead, I waited. Somehow certain that one morning he would open his eyes and finally see. Then he would take my hands in his and sigh: ”All this time… I can’t believe I never realized - ”

And one morning, he did open his eyes. He did see. I just wasn’t the one he saw.

The girl whose hands he took in his was my best girlfriend, Mia. She was beautiful and he was in love and my heart no longer cared to beat. It simply couldn’t see the point.

I did everything I could. Pretended to fall in love with a friend of his to make him jealous. Bought a new pair of jeans (the skinny kind). Started wearing lipstick.

But junior high ended and he never called me again. I guess he was super busy.

The years passed and I don’t know if the wounds healed, but at least they were replaced by new ones. The pain caused by all that never happened faded, hidden behind new sorrows, new rejections and disappointments.

I had almost forgotten, I truly think I had, when one afternoon we bumped into each other at the dairy aisle of our local grocery store. It was right before Easter, the year before last. He was a decade older and I guess I was too, but he looked the way he always had. Tangled hair, puffy eyes, like he still didn’t get enough sleep.

He said: ”We have to grab a coffee sometime.”

”Sure”, I said. ”I’ll call you.”

But I never did.

I’ve just been super busy.

Flirtatious versus professional, vain versus competent, fashionable versus respected.

Dark grey, wide, high waisted skirt and black shoes, H&M. Cropped flower print tie-up shirt, Asos.com. 

White lace trim socks, Lindex.

Didn't I tell you I was going to wear a Mad Men-inspired outfit to the office yesterday? Didn't I? I do think I did! :)

As always when I'm inspired by a particular look, I don't see it as if I'm going to a costume party dressed as someone else - I try my best to pick out elements from that look and then put my own spin on it. If I don't feel like myself, I've done something wrong.

Here, I suppose I was going for a groomed, put-together, proper yet sassy vibe. The paradox of the 1960's working woman: flirtatious versus professional, vain versus competent, fashionable versus respected. I'm not sure how well I succeeded at that, but I did feel extremely swell all day long! And that was the main goal. So, I dare say: mission accomplished.

Getting lost while going to a music festival, or bringing "swell" back.

Black faux leather shorts, Gina Tricot. Nude (and very wrinkled) oversized t-shirt, H&M. Black bowler hat, Monki. White knitted socks, Lindex. Black army boots, Nilson.

I had this idea that for my first real work day at my new office, I would be super serious and wear an outfit that just screams "look at me, I'm working in an OFFICE!". Like something out of Mad Men - or, at least, Wall Street. Well... that didn't happen. You see, when I started getting dressed yesterday, I came to the conclusion that I don't even own any proper office clothing. Or, if I do, they're still hidden away in the moving boxes I have yet to unpack. (Come on, I've only lived in this house for a year and a half... give a girl a break! I will get to it!) ;)

So, instead, I spent my first day at the new office dressed like I'd gotten lost while going to a music festival. Not that it mattered - I didn't meet one single person in the building, so as far as anyone knows, I could have walked around looking like a Joan Holloway clone... Without the hair, the cigarettes and those incredibly sexy curves, that is. I did get the lipstick right, though! Come to think of it, she might not wear red lipstick that often. Well, she should. It would go perfectly with her look. Yeah, I think the Mad Men crew should absolutely use me as a beauty consult. Hello, Mad Men crew! I'm available! And I have so much great advice to contribute with - I'll tell every single actress in the show she should use even more red lipstick. And maybe some for Don Draper as well. Mix it up a bit.

Okay, I'm rambling, I know. I tend to do that. But at least I've now convinced myself I should wear a Mad Men-inspired outfit tomorrow! Who cares if I don't meet a living soul in the office building tomorrow either - at least I'll be sitting at my desk knowing I look swell. (Why don't people use the word swell more often? I'd say it's a remarkable word. Absolutely swell, actually.)

My New Office!

This is how it looked the first (and only) time I saw it. My office-to-be.

When I got home from seeing it, I wrote this in the blog:

"I must admit it was a bit hard to picture what the office will look like when it's done - you see, they still have to put in a floor, a ceiling, a couple of walls and a loft. At the moment it's more like a... corner. 

But the house that it's in is so amazing - it's this old, quirky house by the railroad where they once used to store locomotives. Some people bought it recently and are starting to fix it up, and they're renting out some of the rooms as offices and studios."

Six weeks later, I open a door (one that certainly was not there the last time) and I think: no way. No. Way. No way. 

I honestly thought I must be on the wrong floor or something. I mean, it's taken six months for the carpenters we hired to fix the water leak in our house, and in six weeks the people who own the office building have turned what you can see in the photo above into this:

I mean... it's just perfect. Asbolute 100% perfection. I simply can not wait to move in! I will go to Ikea tomorrow and buy a desk, a chair and some lamps, and then I'm good to go. I never, ever imagined that I would get to work in such a beautiful office. I always thought the one my boyfriend is renting is great, but compared to mine, it's like he's working in a public restroom. ;) (Just kidding, darling!)

The only thing that's not top notch about the whole situation (I hate the expression "top notch" but I can't seem to stop using it, don't know what that's about) is that I really don't have any money at all to buy furniture. I'll just get the cheapest desk and a decent chair, and then the rest will be empty for now. Not that that's a tragedy in any way, it's just that with such a lovely office, it feels like a shame not to decorate it the way it deserves. But who knows, working there might make me so efficient that I start earning a lot more soon! One can dream...

Oh, and for you who don't know: I'm a freelance writer, I write columns and articles for different magazines for a living, and until now I've been working from home. It's been okay, but it's hard to be alone so far out in the countryside all day - I get a bit isolated and lonely. And most of all: when you work from home, you're never free. When you're doing the dishes, vacuuming, watching tv, mowing the lawn or playing with the cats, you always know that you really should be working instead. That way, I feel way more stressed out about work than I should, and I can't thoroughly enjoy living in this great house. Hopefully all of this will change, now that I'll go to work every day, get everything done, come home and be way more care-free.

The hardest thing will be not to hang out with my beloved cats all day, every day - but I guess I can't be a stay-at-home cat mom forever! At least now, when I leave them, I get to go to a pretty awesome workplace. That should make the transition into "working mom" a bit easier - at least for me. ;)