Today is the 26th birthday of my greatest love, my best friend, my soulmate; my darling, dearest Fanny. The most loving, vibrant, bright, beautiful, caring, funny, brilliant person I've ever known.
Or, it would have been.
The next time you have a couple of dollars you feel like you could live without, please use them to save lives. There are tons of cancer research foundations out there that will turn your money into opportunities for mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents, daughters, sons, friends and lovers to keep their most loved ones alive.
There is a fund in Fanny's name at Cancerfonden - I'm not sure if it's possible to donate to this specific one outside of Sweden, and I'm not asking anyone to give a single dime, just to remember that it does happen to us. It's not the kind of nightmare you wake up from. No matter how badly you pray, wish, or hope.
Nearly 8 million people die of cancer every year. World Health Organisation claims that "deaths from cancer worldwide are projected to continue to rise to over 11 million in 2030". Please, please, please, let's do whatever we can to prevent this from happening. When it's too late, it's too late - but there are still millions of lives that can be saved.
In less than a month, it will be one year since Fanny passed away. I'm not even close to finding a way to live without her. I doubt I ever will. But all I know is that I will keep looking, because what else is there?
Happy birthday, darling. I hope that whever you are, someone will bring you breakfast in bed; a tray packed with wrapped gifts, rooibos tea and a huge piece of delicious cake. I'm so sorry I can't be there. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry.
I love you endlessly.
(The video at the top of this post is a song that Fanny recorded with some of her dear friends six weeks before she lost the battle against her illness. I hope you'll listen to it. Because she was not only the best person to ever walk this Earth, she was also an amazing singer. And words cannot describe how unfair this life is.)
i am sorry honey, i am glad u got to experience that kind of love from fanny, so sorry it was not forever.
ReplyDeleteJag blir så djupt berörd av den fina låten, hennes vackra sångröst och att din fina vän förlorade kampen mot cancern. Jag beklagar verkligen sorgen. Det är så hårt att leva utan någon man älskar så innerligt, jag vet inte hur det är meningen att man ska kunna lära sig heller. Sorgen är ju inget som går över eller tar slut, den är bestående, numer en del av varje minut,
ReplyDeleteTack för att du delar med dig och en stor kram!
This post has touched my heart ...I never knew her but I cried, I cried a lot.
ReplyDeleteAfter that I called my sweetheart to remind him how much I love him.
We love you Annika, you have an amazing soul and amazing strength. Blessed be.
Annika, I hope you are okay today. 'Virtual hugs', as they say. I can't even begin to comprehend how hard this must be for you, but from what you have shared here you seem so incredibly strong. And, the song is beautiful. I have no idea what it means, but it sounds lovely.
ReplyDeletehey voice sounds beautiful. like a marmaid is singing :) i don't know what it means, too, but that doesn't matter.
ReplyDeletei send my congrats to her, too, wherever she might be and i hope she is lucky.
and i wish the best for you, too annika. your such a strong roly-poly-doll :)
and we love you for your bravery!
Beautiful song! Loved it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing it.
I find no other words...
I listen to that song when you first posted it on your other blog, and it's really beautiful. I don't know if this is appropriate to ask, and if it isn't just ignore me. And if it is appropriate, but you feel like you can't or don't want to, just ignore me. But... how do you live on? I know you say you haven't found your way yet, and I know there aren't any quick fixes, but do you have any advice on how to try to live on when you have a huge sorrow in your heart? Xoxo/Lisa
ReplyDeleteI am sure Fanny is incredibly proud of you right now, finding the strength to share this with us and keep her memory and legacy alive. Annika, one day in the future, you will be able to see a point in all of this. Her leaving so soon is totally unfair and unnecessary and unexplicable and unbelievable, but there will come a time when you understand that out of this tragic you have found a way to make a difference to this planet, to the disease, to science or to raising people's awareness. It will not have been in vain, I can assure you this.
ReplyDeleteGrattis pa födelsedagen, fina Fanny.
so sad, it's heartbreaking. beautiful singing for a beautiful soul. cancer sucks. i've had family members remove their breasts, die, & friends too. grateful you had such a fabulous friendship annika!
ReplyDeletehttp://honeybeelane.blogspot.com/
Annika, you are such a loving friend. I am sure Fanny is out there, somewhere, so happy that you put this beautiful post together in her memory. It's the best birthday present you could give. That voice of hers is strikingly beautiful. I had tears in my eyes. I am sure her life was a good one to live with such a strong, caring friend like you, gorgeous inside and out.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Em
This made me cry! I love how Swedish sounds sung... (Although that sounded silly to say. Alliteration, aargh.) Death is so painful I know. I think it's wonderful how you're sharing your grief. I'm sure that's helping lots of people, plus we get to be inspired by Fanny's life, and I hope that comforts you a little.
ReplyDeleteI hope you got my email...I feel like an idiot!
This was one of the most touching things I had ever read. I'm so sad for your loss and thinking of you at such a difficult time <3 xx
ReplyDeletegrät när du skrev om det här när Fanny precis gått bort och blir berörd nu med. får ont i hjärtat när jag tänker på att det inte är första eller sista gången den där sjukdomen stjäl människor ifrån oss alldeles för tidigt.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a lovng friend, Annika and I'm sure that Fanny is smiling down at you wherever she is. Cancer is a bitch (pardon my language) and it's heartbreaking when someone close to us is snatched away too early. My mum was claimed by cancer a couple of years back and I still don't know how to deal with it...
ReplyDeleteThanks for your wonderful words and I hope that the researchers will find a cure soon. I hope you will find a way through this difficult time..
Thos is so heartbreaking :(
ReplyDeleteShe really had a lovely vioce!
http://bitterdoglady.blogspot.com/
This made me cry and realize how extremely fragile life and love is. I hope you stay strong, I know you will. I have the deepest respect for everything you have gone through.
ReplyDelete<3
ReplyDeleteBilden på henne som liten ätandes korvmacka. Åh så underbar..och vilken röst. Livet är orättvist!