Happy Father's Day.

It hasn't been easy. It's still not.

Our relationship has always been complicated and probably always will be. We've been living on different continents my entire life, ever since you left, way before I could form any lasting memories of having a father. Whenever I visit, it's impossible to overlook the fact that we don't know eachother. That we're strangers. Sharing the same dna, no question about that - you gave me my eyes, my hair, my nose, my lips, all of it is yours. Strangers nonetheless.

You know you've made decisions in your life I don't agree with. Some I've been able to forgive, some I'm not sure I ever will.

But you do try, you really do. Always have. And I'm grateful for that. I know you care about me and my sister more than anything in the world, I know all you've ever wanted is for us to be safe, happy and loved.

When I think of you, this Father's Day, I can't deny that it's with a mixture of contrarious emotions. But nothing can change the fact that you're my daddy, that without you I wouldn't be here, that I owe you my life.

I do know that you're doing everything in your might to be the best dad you can be, and I love you for that. I love your stupid jokes, I love that look on your face that you get everytime you talk about your daughters, I love how red your face got when I sang that completely inappropriate song at the karaoke place, and how you still managed to seem like you were proud of me. I love how smart you are, I love that you read such an insane amount of books, I love the way you adore that silly dog of yours even though she's absolutely nuts and how you make everyone else sit in the back of the truck because the front seat belongs to the dog.

Most of all, I love that I'm lucky enough to have a dad. You could have chosen to go back to Los Angeles and forget you even had a daughter. But you didn't. You always made sure I felt included in your new family. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have been Wendi's big sister today. And I couldn't imagine life without her.

Happy father's day, pappa. I wish I could have been there with you today. Jag älskar dig. Don't you forget that.

PS. I hope that all of you who had the chance have given your dad a big kiss today. And maybe a hideous tie or a pair of socks with elephants on them or something. I'm pretty sure Father's Day only exists so that the ugly tie/printed socks-companies won't go out of business! DS.