Looking for myself.

Ripped skinny jeans, Hudson. Off-white t-shirt, Fifth Avenue Shoe Repair. Black leather belt, Gina Tricot. Black bowler hat, Monki. Black army boots, Vagabond. Lipstick from Rival de Loop Berlin.

Getting dressed is such a hassle for me these days. Wow, that sounded really lame. But it is! 

Obviously I care a lot more about what I'm wearing now that I have this blog and the constant desire to impress you fabulous people out there. So, I start out with a piece of clothing that I want to build my outfit around - it could be a skirt, a pair of shoes, jeans or even socks - and then I try to figure out what items to mix it with. And I try. And I try. And then I try some more. Honestly, I must have tried on more clothes during these past three weeks than I have in the last three years.

The problem isn't to find an outfit that looks good, or at least decent. The problem is that 9 times out of 10, what I'm trying on just doesn't feel like... me. If you'll please excuse this pretentious metaphor: whenever I get dressed, it's like I'm out on a search mission, looking for myself. (Ouch.) 

Usually, I don't have the time to keep looking long enough to find what I'm searching for - since I'm never sure what exactly it is I'm trying to find, it's sort of a needle/haystack-situation - and I just end up leaving the house in whatever I have on when I realize I'm late. But now and again, I succeed. Then I look in the mirror - or even better, at the outfit photos - and think: hey, there you are! 

When that happens, that first item I wanted to build my outfit around is always long gone. This outfit is the first one since this one that I feel is 100% me - and it started out with, ehmm, a pair of really high heeled sandals and a black, semi-transparent shirt. Then the jeans came into the picture and suddenly the heels were gone, the sheer shirt gave the look too much of a dramatic goth feel, and, well, you can see the final result above.

A quick note about the t-shirt before I stop ranting: I bought it about five years ago, when I first got really into fashion, and I decided that Fifth Avenue Shoe Repair was the most awesome brand ever. (I still think so!) I was going to university in a small town at the time, and on a trip into Stockholm I went to the tiny FASR boutique, located in the super hip area where I still can't help but feeling like the clumsy geek who's always chosen last in gym. Just being in that store was such an inspiring experience - I spent about two hours admiring every single piece of clothing in there, before I finally bought the only thing I could possibly afford: this t-shirt. I was so proud of it and every time I wore it, I simply couldn't stop myself from mentioning to people what brand it was. (Not that anyone had even heard of it.) 

In the years that has passed since, quite a few more remarkable Fifth Avenue Shoe Repair-pieces have been added to my wardrobe - but the t-shirt is by far the one I use the most. I guess I like how it reminds me of a time when a plain, off-white t-shirt was something I couldn't help bragging about.